A letter from April 15th, 2018

Hey. Happy birthday. Or should even i have this letter be delivered on our birthday? i fear i might still remember i sent it and i don't want to. The same way i wanted to forget what i put in dad's present two years ago - to my surprise, i actually did end up forgetting. If you're lucky enough not to remember the circumstances that led to me sending this, then that means you finally are the person you've always wanted to become. But let's revise! I stumbled upon this website after googling 'send me a letter', because i am so desperate to talk to someone. Not a nice memory, is it? Maybe you're still in school - either way, you should know that i feel completely alienated among my classmates. Did that ever change? At the moment, i'm just getting started on successfully having a healthier lifestyle. I'm sure you remember that i wake up at 5:30 nearly every morning to start my day - i hope you still do this. A glass of water, 30 minutes of pause and then breakfast consisting of a plate of veggies (sometimes some tofu, too!) and a bowl of oatmeal; enjoyed at my desk facing the window, from where i can see the spring sky start to light up. On most magical days, the color pink and blue dance around each other until they blend into the most beautiful faded violet, while the orange sun creeps out from over the horizon. Sipping away at the hot black tea, i get ready for school and head out - an hour and a half before school starts. I walk around this well-known town until i get warmed up enough to sit on a bench and pull out a book. I'm currently reading 'Pânza de păianjăn' by Cella Serghi. Remember that saturday morning, in the George Enescu park, when you read the foreword to it and got so excited? Did you end up liking the book as much as you'd hoped? I'm gaining more and more confidence in myself, but i'm not where i want to be yet. Did you lose the weight? - actually, that's not the right question; it implies that it could turn out you haven't lost it, and that's not an option. In that case, how happy do you remember feeling when you finally thought to yourself: 'this is it, i've done it.' ? You must have already shaved your hair! How hot did you look? Excuse the embarrassing enthusiasm of the 16 year-old virgin, but have you already had your first kiss? Have you already had sex? Was it with a guy? Did you gain enough courage to approach a girl - assuming that you've eventually learned how to approach people altogether? As a matter of fact, where do you live now, if you're no longer in school? Did you finally move to a green country? Do you successfully recycle and buy in bulk? How's veganism going? AND speaking of school, how did bacul la bio go? These days i'm feeling lonely, just like i always have, only now it's a bit different, because i'm starting to not feel good in the presence of my sisters and soon-to-be-brother-in-law(hopefully??). It's a different kind of loneliness. I'm currently going through the awfully awkward phase of refusing to go to the festival this summer and it's affecting my relationship with them. R is mad because he doesn't know what to do about the money that he spent on my ticket(although i am at least 90% sure he could sell it to the people who are desperate to catch a lower price); M is taking it way too personal and insisting that i explain to her why i don't want to go; T is trying to stay neutral and always calls them out on ruining the atmosphere when they get pressed about it - how Switzerland of her. At the end of the day, the fact remains: i never said anything that might indicate that i want to go this year. In fact, ever since last year, I've been dropping comments about how i don't want to attend the next one. I'm trying to remind myself that i'm in the right - i am allowed to choose for myself and not go. Please tell me you ended up having it your way. My spanish is improving! Please, for the love of God, make sure you regularly think about that one time you finally understood the lyric 'qué hay que hacer'. God, did that feel good! I'm going to be bold and assume you're already mastering the language. So, with three down, which one's next? Are you still interested in learning thai or arabic? I'm going to start ending this letter. I want to read as many books as i can. Eat as healthiest as i can. Produce as little waste possible. I want to get out of this town. I want to ride trains more often. I want to finally visit Cimitirul Vesel. I want to love myself. I wish, with all of my heart, that i will have found a way to make these dreams a reality by the time you find this in your inbox. I don't know you yet, but i love you and i wish you the best that you can give yourself, out of all that God offers you. Go on a walk after reading this. Listen to something that reminds you of me - not the part of me that is sad and possibly hopeless, but the one that smiles at the thought of you. Smile back at me, knowing that i don't exist anymore. It's all you, now.