A letter from May 24th, 2018

Dear FutureMe, I don't know how are you now or what are you doing, I mean, are you okay? Are you suffering? like here? Is depression eating you up again? What about anxiety? Fear? What if you are dead now? I mean, what if you tried suicide? Whatever, but I hope you are feeling better than here cause it feels like shit, REAL SHIT. I'm trying to figure out or find out what stressing me this much and why I'm unhappy like this, and depressed, like almost all the time, yeah, you guessed right, I found nothing, not one clue. I thought that I need help (which I really need), I asked my friend for a one, she said that she will pray for me, I then asked my bf, he first said that I'm here and everything is going to be okay and this kind of words, but when I told him the next time. he started getting angry, and he mocked me. like Idk, are you even with him now? idk. Idk anything, the only thing I know is that I'm suffering, my heart hurts, like REALLY HEARTS, I can feel it, and my mind is a mess. At first I thought that (HA) is the reason, but now I know he has nothing to do with it although I miss him. Tell me that you got over him please, and you don't even know who the fuck I'm talking about. Everything is messed up, but everything is going to be okay. Like, I'll start doing that healing to get over depression, a healing by myself cause no one will ever help me, Never. So tell me what will happen to you, okay? I hope it ll end as a very good results, btw honey, it's 1:46 am now, and it's Ramadan, and after 2 days I have final, so yeah. I hope you ll be okay, okay? Be okay, please, for you To change the world as you wished, to write a book, to play a violin , to dream and to dance. I love you so much no matter what, please don't hurt yourself, I love you and I got faith on you, you are everything that I got. With love, The old fucking messed up you. NOTE: If you forgot how it felt here, I recorded a thing, 11 mins, you will find it somewhere on A's Laptop, on your own folder. I hope you will smile when you listen to it, and look back at here, proudly, that you moved on.