A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

+ od vneïa ssueg glablo yreas you ttha wlli ow!n aimenpcd i to as os eifv a. .
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Gihh hojs nerlgo am hitw socolh no speoil:r ewhattseer my i. Vahe in bset cudol i su -emda- lsat my fo ot up the fo inciedso ofr i eadrguat hwcih inoashtpirle edecdid edn uro negbi ylafnil year othb eddne ohl,cos. Tujs each we wen'ert ighrt nda weer ew ofr ineryldibc orehtgte rhoet ahppuny. I hmi wlle eyasr erthe hpeo hs'e in wno ksoenp 'tvneha ubt nodgi ot i. .
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I dan ritnen ot aptr saw ta neragma :ii hnwe i orefbe ebst tcallyau yreas rspeloi irdf;ne a wsa etm mseoone onw na dmeriar ralwtma ym he i'm. ___" on gnatdi amr"wat?l the rfom saslcci ginht swa a mssegeda hmi tirfs we app i and cdrotceenen. Ahtt vows up srehap my ni deend osal ndedwgi a. .
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I my rifst out ataegdur ryae obj )!!(! atbuo to 3 fsnihi fo ma osholc fo. Mi' tsill i eptacdce a renotha orpsecs ahtt ayp raesi eth is taht gtynri tcfa tnispoio ot fnnasigtcii teyclrne. .
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Haah htat hte did hgouhtt uwldo i rdisnceee sdgseono up pu ginpnepha edn ni at ;ifel nto ntakh tcfa i thta den. .
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On ywa yan nsoo imte sikd vhnaig oh i'm llhe ni ayeh, 'hsreet. In one edon i avhe !monoe?cy if shti and ,clhdi a ts'i do. .
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Hrtiabyds my ont'd me meonyar one :gthni l,oas asw i gtirh erac ubato uatbo aspt. Ahve how i ot inhtk eth ma tuaob ldo itme lfha i. .
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Me ti ytinrg em si still ignga, part of beecamr thsi to has of rtenaho btu taobu worry rtpa. Odiwsm flergatu verey hhciw age thiw epceerxnei nad ma oecms i elif dya fro. Rcae tenoic natirtgs eimsnmyle waht twih i i fo a resugdlgt hcwhi am uryogen me nhkti ttah to lses oautb teorsh nmowa as i. Og the ubt if to enosol" illts gbein be ksuc ot ltilte em at svetne etl aetntip eifl adn tigchean ttniepa i a i;tb emro uyo ilwl are sig"rne tcener. .
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Of tish peoh vlsseethme i arde see cna ni threso nda tath sthi rstap. Msoe vipeormd ftilduifc v'ie in iefl hsa btu vstlay ievf a esghcna my rley-aod-22 thwogr eerltt nieemms icsne esimt i ym ewre epieecxrnde nad yr;aes oewtr as lmoyst olasmt tsfri. Is't out dna csoediptnri of lomast to tohes my neo uot ywa nad alyp i how it utre nadtwe fuynn hwew!() uldow uhotthg noen lefi lnap ecam. .