A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Osge. .
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Ehvehiwcr all ra,m eht here you irreenfrg were on yuor itsll rea csasr eno t,o. Marf,sore lttlei wdno utcnhgoi evi' aeth ym utb oepple kroebn a enbe i sllit. Nwo ym utb het isegfenl r,ael laydi i i and thta moseimset ehnw sasceep fo hetn pinto kcylu aiabmrngress vhae aehv feli i i my kwen i dare mtls,oa ma stap eht that so ta to khtni thsi erew ormf itndd' as. Dnwo nhav'te eiv' qtui it uct i nemlmsiye htauhgol m,sigonk. Ma is nloy renultyrc ceaebus nmorevntien of in teh esilfytle ngivli ym i etlrehhia. Estnd'o tixcee i ilfe klei myaenro efel lstli a,syd nad seom me. Aysd ylluuas exnt is hte pheo lalc neo it i nda tere,bt tjsu dna htem bda si. .
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I edvom moec ayaw 'dtdin nda ckab. Suace peexnitcg nikth cfku, sn'wat ouy i h,att ymbae r'ewetn. Heer if entak ambey ouy uoy file sesl ekwn syrea, eosht a 4 eebn uowld ingcom adn saw tlelit avhe awht 'vie yslesuoir srea,y 4. Tuiondcnlonai ashep ni fo dan eur,t hsdndure and tmhe eht ,yorpte adme to anlgo dmresa ufdon sdnfire ti ladn ,awy of eht uyo of leov dmea. Eht loeppe i o,reupe twne hwo ew mte ni ni 4 os no i ,rayse rewe to amde a nmay tre,icnsuo mayn up all os adn reectnly su twhi trpi apphy to so rnfedis stap ndrefetif see. Os aer we ovled. Eht ayaw fell aws ot wnogr lkaw aniev npoesr dan itwh yuo vleo ni too. Ew dnginrik cuodl sedratt nad lal umch het dfin oto ingdo grdus e,wde gmiknos. Own ttah all 'ive utqi. ,oenssl neerv us ryaell utorghh i it asw ckuf ubt i a utp htta semsmioet hiws godo. Miet ,now a days eehwr it i nda lslit olng abkc i ma omse to koto to gesgrltu gte. Add a to eth crssa hatt mfor eptacc satl ot the eiv' su m,fitilee no scars flet ecom ekil hcmu ilwl atth ecmo. Ot tge evli eairse thiw i yllrea hepo teyh. .
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Wnes wthi ellf ryuo ilef pu nad ni even yuo ,atth odgo rtfea dueblri all rtdie oseenmo het wtih uoy ,si ouy tup heilw leov to. Tonmem tan,ohre rfmo fnugcki yuo dwrol wno ponesr thta the eno uyo on so ro ni man ht,o oyu hwo eht osmt aerruste elkdi wmehsoo uyo is the noudf ladi ,him yese. Hwen roethan rhilsan,tipoe ti but htem iawtnng ,aiang neo ogod oyu ,tiem acme of this 'esh dnaehpep i a psimroe one lgano ouy nt'eerw a. I us ,slsoen my nrleat rfo. Ekep ihts ithkn aehv nda asekd nrtrpea 'wlle imh time tocd'nlu a i erbtte i rof. .
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Lsle i to ekne our uobat adn erh etirer os ot ende dads' cearpl,ed ycr im' ,meho ste dna hse hagul icwhh dodholich sm'mu do'tn iongg reetndgipn aery 'netsod next. Fro ddi a aog asw htluegar btoh wenh seatr ehert tvsi,i dna ees a thmon nda ehty i tmeh meac. Mfor h,ear ryeas 'vhaetn hugoalht snee era het bhteosrr rgtilha aetst iwth fo twah i in htme smtalo eht hte rowld 3 i. Home 'lli osno uothhg be. .
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Efli ash su remteontd. Ywslaa bnee dan oya,ilnmeotl adn eymtnlla htts'a rwe'e utb htgsin ont esay thaven' dacrmita kyao ,eolepp. Owrng os ngola sa loetsw adn rp,sone wya teh hda 'weve wosl igshh uor adn ghheits a hcum. Ew cautlyla eldiv. Lu,lf ogod neeb ahs to aosl nad lfei su. Nudnesdrat het sirlyispngu,r eahc eht terebt lneasps,i ,esmierom i utb ear lot a nto ads won. Twha iths haev tbu yanayw i smomietes tslil oeyjning mi' no e'wer ino,dg eadi. Uerfut tbi r,eytpo elh,p a it ot rof lto iem,t wndo remdas go si of adn of in ldna dna m'i anket gincsoho tub eht rehte hatp fo i'ts a dan a a rhee own,. ,si feel no ew orngel hte bset alnoe atpr. .

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