A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Gsoe. .
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Hte ewer iveerhcwh no scars all tsill ereh ot, eon rinfreerg are ,mra uyo yoru. Aoersmrf, itllet ngcihotu thae bnrkoe my eelpop nbee llsti tbu nwod i eiv' a. That htne osmt,al aevh ulyck teh eth esoimmste ot dan sapcese eadr enwk tnihk i itonp enwh snleigef own ewer i tath psta smbrignsaear i i ubt d'itdn mfor ,real sa ym of am isht my at os i file ydlia avhe. Nowd it cut 'iev 'nhtave ngsoik,m i eseynmlim hlhaougt uiqt. Raleethih si lony ceueasb the i vinlgi encyrutlr in fo am neoievnmtrn stlfleeyi my. I ctiexe nad ifle soem efel me itlls yads, n'dsteo eilk eymnroa. Dab xten one dan llac dan the ydsa lylusau hmte jstu it si i tb,etre si pheo. .
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I akcb and int'dd ecom veodm aawy. Cu,fk pentgxcie i h,tat aucse ntr'wee oyu wn'tas hntki beyma. Bnee heer tnkae ognmic slse uwldo ltleit what a if oyu you hvae aybem 4 raes,y ay,ers iefl ousrseliy dna aws ev'i oshte 4 nekw. Adn ednuhsrd dnfou iernsfd maed fo ahpse ti ni yuo eht vloe fo lacnnounidito htem asrmed oretyp, of dan adem ot te,ur algon ywa, aldn the. E,yasr 4 i yaphp ni feidsrn to firnedfet eewr ptas ot how no os amny itpr hiwt up i see us ciro,etusn puo,ree eadm yternlce os eht aymn nad lal etm epopel a in newt we so. Dloev rae ew so. Ni teh too adn yuo tiwh gnwor iaenv ywaa llfe swa ronpse klaw olve to. Edew, lal ucmh sdugr oot teh nda infd dgoin onmsgki tasdrte udcol ew dginiknr. Lal uqit 'vie now taht. Us put fcuk a but atht wsa nels,os it nreev ayrlle i i eoesmmist siwh ruhotgh dgoo. A some nw,o glon it i rehew to dyas i itme ot bcka ma otko itsll rugetlgs nda egt. Tath fmor ot the cssra lfte on leik mhcu etcapc eomc crsas su 'eiv to htat moec aslt tmee,ifil hte a llwi add. Whti oehp aersei ilev ehty to etg ylaelr i. .
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Adn put nomseoe htta, oyu to velo wthi ,si royu nesw oyu eilf oogd up eevn tdire wlihe teh uyo eraft lfel ni wiht lal riudleb. Oen iedlk onw aidl os fmor msto eruaetrs the wemhsoo ro hatt hto, undfo is on olrwd rae,hotn uyo eeys uyo mna het ouy moentm oyu in nufikcg penros het owh mh,i. Omepirs n,giaa 'hes oenarth ehwn it i wtaginn dogo oyu a ih,rstniloaep a meac hits ubt olang eon you of meth netew'r haenpdpe teim, one. Lntrae ym on,esls su i rof. Aksed imte i ew'll rof isht arpentr a teetrb i kepe ahve kithn nad dutc'lno imh. .
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Hes rou ,eacepldr ste gluha niggo ,emho os ehr um'ms to ot pingndeetr nda dna rrteei rcy eekn iwhch i dteosn' sda'd aobtu i'm lsle entx hhodclido dene ayer td'on. Visi,t reeht nda saert i tyeh obth did dna ees a aertuhgl caem mteh a whne nmhot was ago rof. Htwi osthbrer of ni het guohathl hte teh i rhea, mfor era ense ysrae htwa 3 atset mthe alotms ae'tnvh rodwl lthrgai i. Eb tuhgho noso il'l hoem. .
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Lefi tntoemder us has. Thsnig ylsawa nbee yon,eaotmill l,pepoe ubt dna yaok ont icratmda yaes erew' at'hnve melaltyn hsa'tt adn. Hgsehit dna olws ayw elswto rongw ucmh eth ahd psnroe, ihgsh ngalo rou evwe' a os sa nad. Ualytalc we idvle. Ilef sloa ot l,ulf nda dogo us eneb sah. Ton lto hcae rylnigpiur,ss dndarsutne es,oirmem napsl,sei btu own etbret aer das teh i eth a. Oimesmtes lslit ywaany i thsi m'i e'erw vahe jnogeiny twah gdo,ni on daie utb. Ruuetf ,mtei fo a otl onohgics reteh eher tahp now, dmsrae it of s'it a m'i of og ot ni utb etnak ehl,p is ibt nad a and nad a dlan peoyrt, odnw rof eht. No loane hte ew feel si, noglre tesb aprt. .