A letter from January 3rd, 2019

Dear FutureMe, Hey! Right now you've just turned 17 and are half-way through your junior year. Things have been a little tough lately...honestly, they've been tough ever since you entered high school mid-2016. Right now, all you're trying to do is make it through and not crack under all the kinds of pressure your brutal high school causes. Everything is insane. Classes are killing you, extracurriculars are tough, but most of all...your social life is what hurts you the most. At this point in time, you still don't have a solid group of friends. I mean, you have friends and all, plenty, actually. But no one person/people you can fully depend on and trust. No one you can actually talk to about anything, no one you can lean on, no one you can pour out your heart and soul to. And it kills you inside. You go to school every day absolutely terrified of the day ahead. You count the days until the next break--until you don't have to go through this burdening process just for a little bit. You're also honestly worried that no one will ever love you. I know you're in high school and really young and everything but...lots of your friends are getting into lasting relationships or at least have the ability to get into one if they'd like. Just three days ago you met up with Jackie and Austin (are you still friends with them?) and Austin invited his friend from camp to hang out. He didn't end up coming (because he was nervous about meeting new people) but when Austin snapped him a photo of the three of us, his comment was "Ok she's hot, what's her snap" talking about Jackie (obviously, she's always been gorgeous and you her ugly friend). Your friend/enemy/idk? Genevieve is dating the only boyfriend you've had in high school, Eli. I don't know. Prom is coming up in a few months and you're on the planning committee...and you don't even know if you're going to have a date. You're worried that you are completely and utterly unlovable. You're also struggling with a ton of other issues right now. You hate your family. Your cousins don't love you enough to spend time with you. Your siblings hate you. Your parents are conservative jackasses who have made you go to church FOUR TIMES in the past two weeks, and control every decision of your life based on Christian life (like what classes you can take, AND WHERE YOU GO TO FREAKIN COLLEGE). Your family isn't what you wanted. They're boring and mean and aren't the loving and adventurous people you want to surround yourself with. You just want to get out of here. All you want is a fresh start. To get away from this hell. FutureMe, right now, you're a depressed mess. You want to leave this all behind. Change who you are. I hope things have changed. For the better this time. Love, Recently turned 17-year-old you <3