A letter from January 4th, 2019

Dear FutureMe, This is cheesy but I'm still doing it again cuz I did it last year. I hope 2019 did you well. At this moment I'm at home wishing I was happier, a little less lonely, doing a little better. My friends are out partying and I wish I could be too. There's no way I could go out, you know the drill. Maybe you've figured out a loophole. Honestly, I wish I could just get absolutely wasted and forget all the stress. But I don't even have time to forget about all my work. Life is just a loop of procrastination, cramming to finish work and little sleep. I hope you're doing better than me right now, I hope this is the lowest point there is in my life. I don't think I'm doing any better in life this year. Everything is falling apart and I just feel depressed. I'm hanging on by a thread to keep my grades up. I may be doing great to anyone who looks at my grades from an outsider's view. Top marks, scholarship, good friends... But on the inside, I just can't take it anymore. I just want to run away. I set my reading goal on Goodreads, 50 books in 2019. It saddens me how I used to be able to read over 90 a year, I don't have time to read anymore. Last year's goal of 80 was nowhere near being achieved :/ Here are some things I want to achieve before the end of this year, hopefully reading back, you can tick these off. 1. Finish writing my book "Dusted". It will make you feel so accomplished, do it. 2. Find a better name for that ^^^ 3. Stop thinking about the negatives, focus on what you can do in this moment and do it. 4. Make plans for how you will achieve the work you have, it helps trust me. 5. Get brave. Whoever you're crushing on at the moment? Drop some signs and go for it. At the moment I keep telling people I'm not ready. But I am, I just don't have the guts to dive into a relationship. It'll make you feel happier so do it because the you in the past could not. Last note before I go: you have to let yourself relax, but not to the point where you cut out crucial time for classwork. Watching Youtube and texting on your phone will not help you relax. It doesn't make you happy or anything positive so don't waste so much time. See you next year