A letter from January 28th, 2019

Dear FutureMe, I didn’t know exactly what to say in this but I knew I wanted to send a letter to my future self once again. To start, let’s review everything that’s happened since I wrote the last letter. I did some weird sex shit with people I shouldn’t have which resulted in me getting sexually assaulted by someone I thought I was in love with, I didn’t do anything about it for a bit but then I met someone who showed me a bit about self care and I cut that abusive fuck out of my life, I fell in love with a fucking angel and we went on a thousand adventures, I quit smoking, I learned about friendship and responsibility, I got a joint bank account and financed a car with my love and now we’re planning on moving into our own place sometime this year. I think that’s everything. I’m terrified that when I get this letter a year from now it will break my heart, I love this man and the knowledge that next year me reading this letter might not have him by my side terrifies me but I’m gonna do what I can to prevent that. This year I hope I do all the things I should’ve been doing this whole time but didn’t have the self awareness or was too stubborn to do, I hope I got to therapy, I hope I keep eating healthy, I hope I get a better job, I hope I keep going to the gym and do yoga more, I hope I focus on self live above all else every single day. By the time I read this letter again I hope I learn what it is that I want to do as a career and I hope that I don’t forget about all my current passions along the way. Things are so stable and so unstable right now and it scares me to death. I don’t know where I’ll be reading this letter next year but I hope wherever it is I’m happy and I hope I’m so many steps closer to being who and what I want to be. I love you, myself, I love you. You are smart and kind and STRONG. You are fucking strong and I hope you gain the confidence to stand up for yourself and speak your truth, it’s time for you to release yourself from the grip all your trauma has on you. 2019 is all about recovery and I hope by the time I’m reading this I can look at it and confirm yes it was. Best of luck in true adulthood you’re gonna fucking kill it, see you in 2020, maybe you and I can grab a drink.