From Christian, Circa 2010

Dear Christian, It's as if I've only been shown one side of things, and for the most part, it's always been something scary. I use to feel "good" most of the time, but I was always doing and feeling things that were unproductive. I recognize my behavior, my bad habits so to speak, and I'm choosing to take to take control of myself, rather than let myself bounce off from bad idea to bad idea and then back to bad emotion. I'm legitimately beginning to feel my feelings, and feel happy when I must and sad when I must. But as far as fear is concerned, I've always let it consume me in a way. Fear is an alarm system that was designed to activate when necessary, but somewhere, at sometime, I turned on the switch and left it on. So recognizing what's what(as far as emotions are concerned) is a little difficult, but completely possible, is happening, and is very strange. I hope you take considerate time to work out these problems, but I hope you do them with the right intentions, my friend. When you grow up, you're going to be wonderful. Productivity is a product of experience and ambition, and when they come together, in the end, you become something new. I hope the future is doing well for you, I hope that your fears were much minor than you expected. If not, what can you do? Just love and appreciate everything, always. Not as if tomorrow's your last day, because that shouldn't be the reason you appreciate your life. Your problems have solutions, and hopefully by the time you read this again, your solutions will be waiting for your appreciation. Love always, Christian 5/2/2010 P.S. some quotes from an article you read before you tried shrooms "No, I don't want to do this. I want to feel good. Then I just focus my mind on relaxing and the fact that everything's okay, and I'm safe and sound, and I just need to relax, I know what drug I took, I know how much I took, I know it's safe, I know I'm going to come down, so why stress out?" "I CHOSE to do this, and I'm going to brave it out!" "Relaxation is the gateway!"