A letter from April 18th, 2019

Dear FutureMe, Today when you were grocery shopping you felt a craving come over you. As you turned the corner into the dairy section your mouth began to water and your heart started racing as you thought about taking a shot. Immediately your mind filled with reasons to drink; I need and deserve a break. It will be fun. I can do it without anyone having to know. It will make me feel better... lighter. LIES. You finished grocery shopping and started the drive home. More thoughts, now stronger and wrapped in emotion, began bubbling up inside of you. You start to feel as if this will no longer be a choice but something you'll be forced into doing. ...I want to stop giving a fuck, just for a little bit. I want to drink, but I want to never remember doing it or take responsibility for giving up.... Two things can be put in a sentence but it doesn't mean they belong together. As you drove home you knew you were running out of time and you would get swallowed up in this swirl of thoughts and take a sip. Tick-tock, tick-tock. After pulling into the driveway you reach for your phone and click out a text to Sarah. "Hey I'm struggling this morning"