A letter from May 7th, 2019

Dear Irene, I hope that you are feeling better, that life has turned around for you. Because at the moment you are feeling broken, lost, empty, scared, unsure, little. Nothing makes sense. Nothing is how you want it to be. The feeling of wanting to hug someone and feeling like its no longer your place to do so. Feeling empty inside and having to smile to the world. What have you done so wrong that life is just nearly unbearable? Yes you have made mistakes but you have learned from them. Yes you are imperfect but why? Why this sadness inside? Why the pain in your soul? Why the confusion in your heart? Your stupid heart. Your stupid heart that still holds hope, that would jump at the opportunity to go back to how it used to be when your mind was blind to the reality. He has hurt you to this point, to the point that you feel that you are not even enough for yourself. To the point that you are BROKEN. BROKEN because you know what you want but also know that it is no longer possible. Broken because in a sense you started to become what you hated, what hurt you so much. Broken because the only thing that is keeping you sane and with a ray of sunshine are your kids? And for what? he doesn't see this, all he sees is what his mind lets him believe, like always. I wish that when you read this Irene, you are in a better place. I hope you have figured things out and you are truly happy. I hope that in the midsts of the chaos your children are not lost and that they are ok. I hope that you are doing the things that make you happy and that you are taking better care of yourself. Life is beautiful right?