A letter from July 31st, 2019

Dear Madeline, You did it. I mean, I think you did. I'm not actually sure when graduation is, but I looked it up and I think it's today? Anyway, hopefully this comes in the morning so you can read it before you go to your grad party and have lots of fun. I am on a self love binge rn (we journaling and playing Khalid 😫) so I wanted to give you some advice before college. Usually when you're procrastinating, it's because you're scared of something. Either you don't think you can do it or you're scared whatever you do won't be enough. It will be, I promise. Don't feel bad about not going to that party everyone's at. They won't forget you. And if they do, screw them anyway. You're leaving so soon. Spend time with people who matter and who genuinely love you. Usually when you feel something (FOMO or you think it was better w the last guy, friend group, etc), you felt it then too. Stop longing for/romanticizing the past. You have a tendency to glorify past relationships and friendships. You've got to make sure you move on or it'll keep you from what could be. Stop waiting for something better, someone better and just live. If you don't get invited to the party, don't stress out or mope. Either crash it or turn off snapchat and do something else instead. Do not wait for a car to stop, the sun to set, someone else to change your life. Stay away from people who make you feel like you are hard to love. You are enough. Stop dwelling on what happened three years ago. Apologize and move on. Don't keep going up to people at parties to relive the past. Don't be afraid to be attached to people and make actual memories, but don't feel like you constantly have to be making amazing memories. It's okay to just lay in bed sometimes. Don't be afraid to love. It's okay if not everyone likes you. Keep going anyway. Don't let your fear of not being included stop you from living. Do at least one thing every day to make yourself happy. Go out once a day. Run or get some coffee. Self care isn't watching Netflix for 8 days in a row but it's not worth studying nonstop either. I always forget this, but there is always someone who cares about you. Someone is always thinking about you and smiling, and it may not be who you want it to be, but it's always someone. You are so so loved. Sometimes the only one judging you is you. Something has to work out sometime. Just go for it. The same God who thought that the world needed stars and mountains and oceans thought it needed you. Don't forget to pray. Live for yourself. Don't conform. Genuinely pay attention to how people make you feel when you're around them. It matters. You deserve everything and so much more. You are powerful. Stop waiting for that light at the end of the tunnel and light it up yourself. Better things are coming, even when you can't breathe. The sun will rise and we will try again. Make sure people know they are loved. I'm so proud of you. Always. You are the world to me. I like who you're becoming!!! A lot!!! Don't be afraid to use your voice even if it causes you trouble. Honestly, it's worth calling people out for saying bigoted things, whether you're friends or not. And if that's the end of your friendship, oh well. Honestly, stop worrying about how many people you snap. Don't talk to them if you don't want to. You don't have to. If you want to kiss someone, tell them. They probably want to kiss you too. And if they don't, it's their loss, honey!!! Sometimes watching the sunset or the stars (alone or with friends) is better than going to that party. Play tag with your siblings at midnight on the football field. Say yes to things that sound crazy. Remember Taylor Swift? It's okay to take a risk. It's not weird to hang out with your family. If people think it's weird, they're probably jealous. Honestly, stop worrying if no boys like you. Yeah, it sucks not going to dances, but you already missed JSB. And you lived. Besides, you're enough without them anyway (the boys and the dances). Try to stop checking social media as much. When you're home, it just makes you sad. When you're out, it distracts you. Some people are shallow. Who cares if they don't invite you to their parties? Buy yourself cake or whatever and have your own. Don't be afraid to check yourself. We all need some work sometimes. Drive and cry. Drive and laugh. Drive and scream. Just drive. You always feel better after. Text them even if you're afraid they won't text you back. Don't ever be surprised that someone wants to get to know you. Say hi to people first. If you want to talk to someone, talk to them. Don't wait for someone else to make the first move. They're probably waiting for the same thing. Just because things could be different doesn't mean they'd be better. Yeah, you could've dated. But you didn't. Move on. It's okay to be alone. Tell people you love them. Go to more concerts. They're always worth it. Okay, it's 1 am now and I have running in the morning. Till next time. Love you, you