A letter from August 12th, 2019

Dear FutureMe, I want you to know it’s okay. It’s okay to be alone. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay when things don’t workout with guys. Yes you keep telling yourself you’re at fault. But maybe every second you spend with a guy isn’t ever supposed to be more than that second. Maybe they are meant to come and go because well maybe they aren’t meant to stay in your life. You aren’t at fault. Remember when you were in middle school and so couldn’t get over that soccer guy that you barley had a conversation with, yet you couldn’t hopelessly imagine what it would be like if he saw you? Remember that guy freshman year that continuously manipulated you, & put you down? You often told yourself it was love, because it hurt. Remember that popular guy that you wished so bad to connect with, that you wished so bad to know him, he had already had his first love. You were second place, last place even. Remember that guy from another town that met with you that night, & y’all just couldn’t keep your hands off each other. It finished quickly just as it started, yet you managed to love him in a way he never could’ve loved you. But most of all remember your first love, the one where you still haven’t question why he still makes your heart race when you see him, the one that makes your heart tug when you see him with another girl, the guy that loves you, the guy that you’ve always loved. Yet y’all couldn't ever seem to stay away from each other, yet y’all couldn’t seem to bring yalls self to one another. Remember he said “it’s funny how life works” you scrunched up your face when he said that because for a moment it seemed like those books you use to read. But I bet you now your agreeing with what he said. And I bet he’s the only one you’ve ever actually never forgotten. I know your thinking right now “what if I’m meant to be alone, what if I’m not capable of being loved.” But that’s not true people aren’t capable of seeing your worth, but you are. And I think that’s bittersweet. So what if these type of guys are the ones that come and go, you knew love for what it is, what it will be and what it was & nobody can tell you what love was or wasn’t for you because you know love for what it is.