A letter from January 18th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, I hope he’s stopped abusing you. I hope you no longer continue to live in the secret world of shame where you work this high powered job, and have this perfect relationship, yet no one would know how he tells you how stupid you are, how he regrets proposing. Yet no one would understand how much that rock on your finger both means the world to you, and scares you at the same time. No one would understand when they hear how he talks to you that he can also be kind and sweet and silly and fun. How in 7 years he’s become your best friend, your comfort, yet you cannot trust him because you don’t know which version him you’ll get from day to day or hour to hour. The man that’s in love with you? Or the man that’s deeply scarred and wants to make everyone pay for the pain of his past. I wish someone could understand what it’s like from the inside. Why do I feel like I am all alone?