A letter from January 28th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, I should have just written one letter at the end of the day. (Right now). I got into the college. I don’t know how to feel. I am happy, of course, and relieved. I feel as though a new path has just opened up, like the sun came out. I am just so nervous. There are going to be so many choices. And I worry I will make the wrong ones. Who to be friends with, do homework or party, flirt, drugs, etc. I know what the right answers are now, but I might change. I also worry that I will change so much. I worry that I will come home and I will be so used to the college that I won’t recognize home, or that it will feel alien. I worry that I will miss my friends. Not only will I miss them, I will miss big moments. Dates, tests, moving, boy/girlfriends, switching schools, crushes, even family deaths. Especially for my sister. I will miss her growing up. I won’t have the big things in person, but she will tell me them. But I am more worried about the small things. When she has a test and I won’t be there to help her study, piano recitals, annoying her and her friends on play dates, roughhousing, etc. also things that I can’t see without being there: her crying over something important; her first big formal event (helping her get dressed, stay calm, prepare, etc.); cooking her first big meal; a big art project; etc. I will miss so much. Also, D**** is leaving for his home country. Leaving in early February. We were—are—close. I work out with him, sing with him in the car, roll our eyes together... we even have our own handshake. I just don’t understand why he is leaving. Part of me wonders if it’s is because I am not good I’m enough for him, but that’s ridiculous. Still. I’ll miss him. How are you dealing with it? Have you been making good decisions? How is your relationship with your friends and sister at home? Who are your friends at the college? I know I won’t know the answers to these questions, but I still want you to answer them. This is my longest letter yet. I’ll stop sending so many. I think one daily ought to do it. I also got this app called habit. It help track habits. Obviously. Anyway, just wondered if you are using it. I got it today, so.... I also am saying my bullet journal. It hasn’t been regular, but I still hope I continued it. Did I? Sorry for writing so much. Actually, I’m not sorry. I’m not going to apologize unnecessarily here. I don’t know how to end this. How about this. Sincerely, PastMe