A letter from February 10th, 2020

Dear Cath, Well, you started writing these letters a long time ago. So far nothing has changed. It's a miracle this site even still exists. But I guess it's as stubborn as your bad luck. I honestly don't even really know what to write. How much could your life have changed a year from now? It hasn't changed in ten years. Happy birthday, I guess. Almost thirty, huh. You didn't feel the need to send yourself a message last year and you're only doing it this year because you were reminded. You're tired. You're almost ready to give up. Lord knows you need a break. You're going to have one in a few days. Hey, don't drink too much, yeah? It's not worth it, really. I know you don't drink a lot anyway, because I am you, but you have your moments. Getting drunk alone isn't fun. At least the aftermath isn't. Well... about our current situation...It's still the same. You have a new psychiatrist, that's great. We'll see how long that lasts. Your parents are doing their level best to ruin it already anyway. Your room is a mess, you should clean it. You feel lonely. You haven't seen friends in a long time. Hopefully this year you'll get to. You still really miss your best friend who left almost two years ago. From my point of view. From yours it'll be three years. On the dot. She left on your birthday. Yup. I hope you'll stop feeling awful about it. It sucks. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. Hopefully you can fix at least something. Hopefully this year won't be as bad as the last. Or the one before that. Or the one before that. And definitely not the one before that. Jesus Christ, what a mess we live in. If things haven't changed... I guess... try to keep going. Go out. Get something to eat. I don't know where you are a year from now. Probably the same place, but who knows. Get yourself a birthday cake. Talk to someone. Try to have fun. And if things have changed... Hey, good job. You did it. It seems like I need a miracle now, but maybe you won't. We'll see. No matter what, I'll keep trying. And I hope you will too. Love, Cath