A letter from February 22nd, 2020

Dear FutureMe, if I know myself at all, i am probably not happy to be receiving this email. i probably remember writing this. bit of background in case i don't: i just got out of the shower, listening to one direction. (do i still love one direction 365 days in the future? dumb question, moving on) i was happy, enjoying my evening until one of my favorite songs came on. half a heart. while i was listening, i became overwhelmed by memories and had a breakdown on the bathroom floor. i silently cried because i didnt want anyone to know Im not ok yet. I don't know why. it would feel better if someone knew. but i refused. at the time it felt like i would never be ok. it hurts, no matter how much i try to convince myself not to care. i miss her. even though she treated me like trash and threw our entire relationship away, i miss her. but the point of this email is not to drag me down. the point of this is to show myself how far ive come. because i am strong. and I know that the pain may not be gone, but i need to see that I have made progress. so now, chose to think about the others. don't think about her, she's not worth it anymore. think about the ones i love, the ones i know love me. hold my head up, we're getting there.