A letter from March 11th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, Right now, I am crying myself to sleep because of my failing grades. 87 anaphy lab, 88 anachem lab, 89 pmls lab, 80 pmls lec, 83 anachem lec, and 86 anaphy lab—imagine, I have 6 line of 8 grades at the same time. I never perceived myself as someone who is too smart, but upon receiving one grade today, which is 80, I felt like my view on myself got too low, and I have this feeling that I'll finally get line of 7 after my 19 years of existence (I still am hoping that's not the case). Right now, I want to be held, consoled, and told that I am someone to be proud of. Despite having genuine friends around, right now, I feel alone. I'm not suicidal, but I just wanna jump off the building. I am tired, physically, mentally, even emotionally, and it's not even half of my journey as a doctor. Will I even be a doctor? As of now, I could say that that dream is something I'm incapable of reaching. A year from now, you might be in the same position—perhaps, even worse (I pray to God that won't be the case). You will have your shortcomings and mistakes, and you might cry yourself to sleep and think of jumping off a building again. If the circumstances permit, you might be happy and doing really well in school. Whether your answer is the former or the latter, do know that I'm proud of you no matter what. I know you tried and gave your all somehow. Try not to be too hard on yourself. It's been years, stop that habit already. Lmao. I am already getting sleepy, so farewell for now. Rest. You need that. Sleep. Eat (moderately I hope you didn't get fatter). Be safe. I love you. You love you.