A letter from March 13th, 2020

Dear Honey, This year turned out to be unexpectedly strenuous so far. I thought my anxious days are long over, but nevertheless, they're here, stronger than ever. It's like a cage I've been wanting so hard to be set free from is falling apart now, and it scares me more than being held in captivity. Sometimes I get lost in my thoughts about the future life in the desert and everything that might happen, but then it seems like all my world comes shattering down if at least one little thing doesn't go according to the plan. Balance is what I need, but can't afford anymore. S is awesome, but like all the others. I am fully dissolved into my patterns and despite the fact I can see what needs to be done, I just can't. I'd just like to let go, accept the uncertainty and hope the tides will take me where I'm supposed to end up. By that time (and eternity), love you so much.