A letter from March 18th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, hello! I have no Idea what life is like for you. Hopefully everything returned completely to normal with this virus thing. I hope it returned completely to normal in at least 2 months. I really want to go on yeshiva. And even spring! and what about school? the act? my life? IDK, everything will work out. Its day three on a normal week schedule and so far I'm feeling ok. We dont start online classes until two weeks. so were thriving until then. I doubt ill get the job at yogurt land actually. They dont need more people working. The entire economy is stopped. Thats bad i think. SO. right now in my state, I had a conversation with liora nim after she asked me to do a dvar torah about teffilin in the morning, and make it about shmonai esrai and I couldnt do it. After how I talked during the derech hashem shiur i was getting scared. I want to talk like, Geshmak! Davka! Stam! I want to talk like a jew like that! Not "trust in god". I think I need to be taking things on formyself now that its in my buchira point, but I don't know what and to what extent. If I wore that skirt yesterday I wouldve been sooooooooooo uncomfortable and it woudnt have been good. Im not doing that now. Im NOT wearing skirts now. That is NOT what im building up to. I want every single little thing I do to be because I understand its benefits entirely. I want everyl little thing to go through so many filters, and dlearn about it so much, that there is nothing im doing because god says so or becuase ncsy says so. And maybe, down the line, the reason "because god says so" will be enough reason. Until then you are going to have the same conversations, differing a little bit each time, and yea. Im really close with shnuer right now. We have fun. He's just such a good influence, and so smart and mature. Looking at his instagram was humbling a bit. But hes still a great person in need nonetheless. Well, yea. Thats whats happening currently in my life, I hope you found what you wanted! Because this is what I wanted to tell you.