A letter from April 6th, 2020

Dear future me, They say before you die your brain remains active for seven minutes, and in those seven minutes you see your life flash before your eyes. Equally happy and sad memories. If I were to die right now I would see a black and white mute film, a sad and pathetic recreation of hopeless moments. And as much as I hate to admit it, it's the truth. I want to be proud to see smiles in my memories so that you do not fear passing away anymore. I hope that time has allowed you to learn the meaning of love and happiness, even if you're an absurdist that doesn't believe in that crap ;). By the way, I hope you've fulfilled my current desire to read every single XXth century philosophy book. Anyway, I want you to receive this e-mail in hopes that you can see how much you've changed since the moment I'm currently writing. For you to understand how much of a crackhead auto-criticized person I am HAHA. Please don't let people tell you pain isn't a good thing. I'm slowly starting to understand that with pain comes experience, and with experience comes a one of a kind tale only you can tell. You know as much as I do that all we crave is pain. Endless pain so that maybe even when the slightest bit of happiness hits we can feel it. As much as the world wants me to hope that you grew out of this desire, I know myself too well. I just hope you've felt it once to write that damn poetry collection we've been working on for an year HAHA. Oh also, if you're not writing... **** you. Get a pen, or a computer for all I know, and let your damn feelings out. I know it's hard to feel with everything we've been through, but I finally cracked the code and found a way to cry real, salty tears. I'm currently writing after a three month writer's block period and I just picked up my computer and decided writing a letter to the future would be a therapeutical way of dealing with quarantine. Romantic, isn't it? Seeing as I'm starting to rant, I believe I should end my philosophical rendez-vous into myself here. I hate/love you, you selfish piece of ****. PS: I hope you learnt a few extra things that make you better than the current stupid little girl I am. Love ya. PPS: Oh and happy 18th birthday. Hope you're drowning in alcohol now that you're legal ;)