A letter from April 17th, 2020

April 17th, 2020 Hey you, Well it has been 30+ days since I’ve had any human contact (besides my mom). I know, kinda sad. I’m surprised you haven’t lost your mind or more surprisingly, forgotten how to speak english. But anyways, so far the worst thing about quarantine was the dementors (haha). I turned 18 three days ago. There’s nothing I can really say about it. Hopefully in the future I still remember what happened that day. But just in case, don't forget about the video Danny made. I’ve been constantly overwhelmed with work; a daily assignment for stats, long english assignments, sectionals for band three times a week, working on a solo for band, having to do videos of my basics for guard (which is A LOT), working on a solo for guard, a weekly assignment for community service (but that’s the least of my worries), and having sometimes overlapping zoom meetings. I really don’t know how I haven’t mentally collapsed yet. Or maybe I already did, but I’m just not aware. But then again, it might be the procrastinator in me. I haven’t talked to many people. I’m pretty sure the little amount of social skills I had are gone. So apparently, it's going around that Governor Abbott said that schools are closed for the rest of the year. This is not the way I wanted for things to end. I know there’s people who think “oH tHosE KiDs aRe sO seNSiTivE. SenIoR yEAr iSn’T ThAt iMPorTanT,” Well it was important to me. I didn’t go through 14 years of school (including pre K and kindergarten), spent the last four trying to get as close to the top of my class as possible, gave up a lot of my mental health and sleep, and spent seven years of my life in band to have it all end like this. I guess the biggest reason why I’m more upset is because I was supposed to be the first; I was supposed to be the one who was able to finish senior year and be the first to graduate high school. The chances of having a normal graduation is very slim but I guess it is what it is. Now I won’t get the closure I was hoping for. I left for spring break thinking I was going to see those people and teachers a week later but I may never see them again. Well, I hope I get to see them again. I think my biggest regret is not taking more pictures, not talking to people, and not living. Let me elaborate; I wish I wasn’t so self conscious of myself when taking pictures and videos, specifically in band. I had a lot of good (and bad) times that I wish I had a picture or video to look back on. I see people share snapchat memories of band camp and competitions and videos from class and I look at my phone and I have none. All I have is my memory but one day I won’t be able to remember. I wish I had better social skills. I’m not the best at talking to people or making new friends. There’s a lot of people I wish I’d talked to, but I never did. Or there would be people who I’ve lost connection with, but I was too scared to reach out. Last thing I regret was not living my teenage life. I spent my entire high school career studying and focusing on school (and band too but that’s a different story). I rarely went out with friends, or went to places. I was only ever at home or the band hall. Or maybe it wasn’t a bad experience, I might be overreacting. Who knows. Dang, I didn’t mean to get really sad in this letter but what can I say? I have a knack for it. I don’t think things will ever really go back to normal, we just have to adjust to it. I know we’ll be okay. Also for future reference, people will never think you have a plan when you use a ridiculous font. ;) ~You P.s. this is the letter you turned in for Mr Bates’ assignment