A letter from May 11th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, I hope you've accomplished at least one thing you're proud of. I hope you've finally done something for YOURSELF, and yourself ONLY. I hope that you've finally stopped doing everything possible to make mom and dad happy and that you've finally started living for yourself. But even if you haven't yet, I hope you're on the path of doing so. I really hope you've found a place that completes you, somewhere you can finally be yourself without judgement, and where you can come and go whenever you please. I hope you've figured out what path you want to take in life, even if that meant going back to college and finishing cosmetology or starting a new study. At the moment I was writing this letter I was making the decision of not going back for my last semester of cosmetology, I wont know if I went though with said decision until later tho, but for our sake I hope I did. I know right know that cosmetology is not the best thing for me to do. And that may change in the future, and we can always go back to finish. What we can not do is get back the wasted time if it turns out that we were right. So for now i think the best thing to do is drop out until we know what we want to do and what is best for us. Once again, hopefully you've figured this out by now. I hope you've managed to either find a significant other, or that you've stopped worrying about it as much and that you're happy being on your own. Right now being on my own is probably whats best for me, yet there's a part of me that cannot stop thinking about if I'll ever find someone who I will truly love, and love me back the way I deserve. I hope you don't waste time on men that are simply not worth it. I hope you've started learning to love yourself and all your flaws, I still haven't. Everyday I find something I wish I could change about myself. I don't know how to go about learning to do so. Hopefully eventually I do. Hopefully you've started losing weight like I've always wanted to do or maybe even reached our goal. This year you'll be turning 21, so maybe we'll be able to go out with he body we've always wanted to have and wow the world. Hopefully you also lost the weight healthily if you have lost it. If not, when you do start trying please be healthy. Hopefully you've learned to cope and deal with strong emotions, i feel as if tho i haven't yet. Someday's i'll feel perfectly fine, others i feel sad no matter what i do and the only reason i don't cry is because i know no one wants to hear me. I don't have anyone to vent to at the moment. Hopefully you do. Hopefully you don't have to bottle up your emotions like i do, Hopefully someone listens. I feel really lonely, even when i'm not alone. I feel as if i no longer have any friends because i shut everyone out, please don't do this. Maybe one day we'll learn from our mistakes and learn how to cope with emotions better and be able to keep long lasting friends. So far that hasn't been tho. But i know you've got this, and you'll figure it out. Please write another letter to your future self again so you can continue reflecting each year.