A letter from May 14th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, it’s tough. I don’t wanna come out as bi because I’m scared that everyone will leave even tho there’s no one. I stay up late, I take long showers, I don’t talk to people, I stay in my room all the time, I cry a lot. I contemplate ending our life because I see other people futures, I see their happiness and I see the love in their lives but when I look at ours I see nothing I don’t see happiness or love or life. We are toxic we are broken we are imperfect and that simply won’t do. We try to listen to other people we tell them that ending their life is never the right choice and that there is always someone who cares for them but I guess that makes me a hypocrite doesn’t it. Some days it hurts so much I can’t breathe I don’t want to eat or sleep because I feel like I don’t deserve and I just don't want to hurt anymore I don’t wanna feel like this anymore and I just want it to stop. But I don’t get to feel this way, right? There is plenty of other people that have it worse right so I don’t deserve to feel this way about my self. But I’m a failure, I break everything I touch, all I ever do is hurt the people I love and I catch feelings too easily and honestly no one would care if I was gone would anyone even come to the funeral? Would they be too busy would they not have the time would the just not care. What’s the difference between life and death? They are simply different plaines in which some can see or travel freely but most can not. We don’t belong in this earth Thais isn’t where we were meant to be was it? Why can’t we just be like the others? No one will ever like us we aren’t good enough we aren’t pretty enough or smart enough or skinny enough we aren’t good enough for them, we are broken and unfixable. So I hope that you get to read this, I hope that we make it that far and I hope by the time you read this you’re happy