A letter from May 24th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, while writing this letter, you're crying. you've just lost your grandfather three weeks prior and your relationship with your mother is complicated. you dont see your siblings anymore. you feel alone and empty, numb to the world. you dont know who you are anymore and there are only few things you enjoy. you think your life is a waste of space but you are too tired to try to do anything about it. but there is happiness. youre in a happy, stable relationship of almost two months. he makes you happy and cared for. he makes you want to be better and you try! and thats enough. it truly is. you have friends, you find happiness in small moments and you cherish those. youre still searching for yourself and thats okay, too. it takes time. in this moment, youre oliver. youre 21 and you love to cook, to write, to experience art and stories through media. youre gay and youre proud! you have people who support you, your mother and your friends. yeah, its difficult. but thats what makes it worth it, isnt it? youve never liked things that are too easy, that arent a challenge. youre stubborn and you hate it when people tell you you cant do something. now its your own mind that is telling you, "you cant" and youre fighting back. you refuse to lose. youve already come so far...why not make it even farther? theres no rush. you can take your time. its better to take it slowly than to rush it and watch it crumble in your hands. i hope that when you read this, youve taken two steps forward without taking any back. remember our life five years ago? that was the worst time of our life. youve done so much already when i write this. im sure youll do even more it gets better. you know this from experience. and i know you, so i know that when you read this, youve achieved something. it doesnt have to be a big thing. maybe youre not as scared as i am now. maybe your hands dont shake when youre around people like mine do. maybe your chest doesnt hurt when you breathe. youre still alive. i know you are. too stubborn to give up. eyes always forward, even if you glance back sometimes. we got this.