A letter from July 16th, 2020

Dear Future Me, I was going to write an endearing and sweet letter about all of the things that you should remember in two years, but honestly I just hope that I make it. Right now, everything feels stagnant. I can't go outside, I can't make academic progress, I can't make artistic progress, and I feel like everything just stopped. In a little while, I'll be back in school (hopefully online), and I'm scared. I'm scared that my grades are going to slip and that my depression is going to seriously spike and that I'll finally snap. I'm just scared that I'll lose all of the progress I've made. I just want to be able to be in the future right now. I just want to skip the next year and head straight into college. I'm graduating early so I can get out of high school, but it feels like I'm just slowly moving through molasses at this point. It's strange. I want to get out and move so bad, but I have no idea where I want to be. I'll be seventeen in a little less than a month. My permit expired last month, so that means I won't even be able to drive on my seventeenth birthday. Thanks to the quarantine, I missed out on getting my license even though I was way past ready to take the test. I don't know why, but this makes me feel like it's my fourteenth birthday. In fact, everything about this reminds me of middle school. Here are some similarities: depression, no friends, back into horror, loves podcasts, way into art, depression, suicidal thoughts. Although I'm not going through a fanfiction phase or a Hamilton phase yet, so I still have hope. Anyways, in two years I hope that I make it out of this. I also hope that I have a very **** girlfriend or a very hot boyfriend by now (because I think I deserve one by now). Hopefully, I don't succumb to the crushing weight of my loneliness and loss of hope. God, I just want a goth girlfriend or I could be a goth girlfriend. Maybe someone should just hold my hand. Have I mentioned how lonely I am? I'm so lonely that I'd be the sole avatar of The Lonely. (I honestly hope you don't get that reference because then you'll remember and you won't stop remembering). Before I go, I just want to say that I love you and that you should stop being so hard on yourself. It's always a good reminder. Love you, Your Past (and way hotter) Self P.S-- Happy Birthday