A letter from July 28th, 2020

It's sometime near the end of July 2020, and the box of m&ms on my desk expire on the date you'll recieve this letter. Although I don't think m&ms really expire. But that's the date printed on the box. By now it's been over a year since that time you went through that really tough and confusing breakup and ensuing lonely period and I hope you've come up with a more succinct name for the Bad Times with your therapist. I have no idea how long you've been living in Brooklyn now but I'm proud of you for it. Like, insanely proud. I'm writing from my childhood bedroom and it's kinda depressing in here. It's hard to imagine your Brooklyn apartment, even when I see it in photos on StreetEasy. Haha. Streeteasy. That's what they used to call you. (not really). I hope everybody is doing okay, ie Joseph and Grace and Skijler and Hannah and Mom and Dad, you know. I also hope you've made some new friends (I'm sure you have). Most of all though I hope you're chilling. Which I know is asking a lot. But you need to know that no matter if you're spending most nights strung-out in some rock club or crying in your messy bedroom to Bury Me at Makeout Creek, I'll still romanticize your life, because it's different than mine, at least. God. Tell your therapist that one. I hope you got a therapist. Anyway, I don't mean to give you a laundry list, but you could probably ask James about a good therapist in your area. Also, how's school going? Did you ever take a class with Wark? I'm pretty sure she's teaching a seminar on gender this semester. Also, have you played a show yet? It's soooo okay if you haven't-- that shit's SCARY. But you could maybe ask Derrik about that, if Ayden still hangs around them. Opening or something. Hehe this is kinda exciting. If you're not excited, then like, what the fuck r u doing??? Listen. I don't know if the world is still in apocalypse mode-- What Are You Doing After the Apocalypse, I don't know-- but I hope you're in a better place now. Not that I'm in a bad place. Just. Santa Clarita. You know. I mean, ostensibly, you could go get pizza with Joseph rn or you could dress up like a 70s rockstar and take yourself on a SoHo art gallery date. You could fuck around at MOMA for a few hours and then see if Jillian is free. You could DO YOUR FUCKING READING FOR CLASS. Or not. I don't know. When's your spring break? Do you have, like, midterms, or something? I apologize for waxing poetic. It's just. I miss New York and school so much. Which is crazy cuz I was so sad. But. You know. How funny would it be if you weren't even in New York or if you weren't even in school right now. What if you're just reading this from under a Bladerunner-esque dilapidated freeway pass in an ever-heating LA, on your like, government-mandated cybernetic implant. Lol sorry are you still reading all that accelerationist bullshit? Or have you owned up and become an actual marxist yet? Do you have friends who would get that quip if you said it out loud? I mean, it's okay if you don't. You have me. But if you do, you should maybe invite them over for dinner. Or to get coffee. Or just tell them how much you love them. Because, like, I know how hard it is to look at your life the way I look at it, because you're in it. You have to live through every second of it, one after the other. But you know what? It;s your choice weather you think about that or you think about all those Chamomile moments I'm sure you've had since I wrote this, and the fact that the potential for one of them is always right around the corner. I know that at some point soon you're gonna look around and take a deep breath and be like, oh my god i'm so much better. Oh my god I'm actually pretty happy right now. And you deserve that. So. I mean, you're gonna be 20! This shit doesn't even count yet! I'm so proud of you and aren't you excited for what could come next? I mean, I keep looking back on how kinda sad freshman year was and then I'm like. Psshhh. That was FRESHMAN YEAR. WHATEVER! Like, oh, I didn't become Literal God after ONE YEAR in New York. Wow. And I don't expect to after two years, either. So you're cool. Maybe try for three. (KIDDING!) Whatever's happened, hey-- you've outlived this box of m&ms. So that's not nothing. Don't do coke or ket! I love you! ZG