Message from the past

Dear FutureMe, Today is December 22nd, 2006. I had the build up done on my left bottom 2nd molar. I am supposed to go back on Valentines day to have it crowned. They told me I also have 9 (count them, 9) cavities. I may have to get them done later. As of right now I am not sure if I really want to put all this money into repairing my teeth. Dr. Alford (who is also supposed to be buying cabinets from me sometime this month) also wants me to get braces... Braces! At 31 years old! Well, no to the more important part of this. Brooke is moving to Michigan in a few weeks and most likely will never be back. It has been pretty rough knowing this since I care so much for her. She has been Everything to me these last three months and I know I am going to have a big hole in my heart to fill when she does go. I have no idea how things are going to go. She says she loves me but she is only 22 and has a 10month old baby. Once she reunites with him and gets away from me, i think she is going to slowly grow apart from me and even if we do keep in contact, things will never be the same. I know it isnt the end of the world but I've waited so long for someone like her to come along, it is like some sort of twisted joke that some one is playing with me. I dont know why I cant ever be happy. The only thing that I know is that the only thing that is constant in this worls is change. Sometimes I think about that Garth Brooks song about unanswered prayers... I was with Mary and would have given anything to stay with her but after five years with out her and seeing her now and having brooke now, I wouldn't change a thing. I am thinking that maybe someday, I will read this and think the same thing. I guess only time will tell. I just know that I don't want this to eat at me. It's not like we are breaking up on bad terms. It is like when Jennifer went off to college after high school. It was good but it wan't meant to be. I want it to "be" with Brooke but if it cant be then I will learn from this and try to apply all this knowledge towards the next relationship. All I know is that I am getting pretty old and I hope the next time I read this, I wont be some old fart with nothing to show for my life. Hell I am ready to settle down now. I just think about Dan and Anna. They are both the same respective ages as my parents are when they had me and look at me. I am older than Dan by four years and still havent got the foundations of a family on the burner yet. If I knew for certain that brooke was ready, I would ask her to marry me but she still has a lot of things to clear off her plate before she is ready to marry again. Besides, as much as she says she loves me, I think I was always just going to be a temporary thing for her anyway. Maybe I am wrong, Maybe things will work out, maybe they won't...I guess I will have to wait and see...and you will have to sit back and reflect. Sincerely, PastMe, Scotty