Do you remember me?

Dear FutureMe, How does it feel to be 29? In all honesty, I hope you are still around in 2010. I just turned 24 yesterday, it's funny how life can bite you in the ass. Money has become the biggest issue in my life - the irony!!! I still hate money tho. I hope you still do, I hope you have not become another slave to the machine. I know you don't care about money, but I hope you are not worrying about it the way I am because your loved ones need supporting. I hope you and your family are healthy and happy - because that is the most important thing in this world. Money is really tight as home - it's such a joke. All the family hairlooms are in the pawnshop, including my mother's wedding jewellery. My mother refuses - with sentimental reason I suppose - to give up the pawn tickets, so all our money (of 3 working adults) goes to the fucking pawn shop. This is why, despite the appearance of being a normal middle-class family, there is not 10 dollars between the 4 of us by the end of the month. We eat bloody tofu 4 times a week because it's cheap. I feel so guilty, because it seems that we are here because my useless education cost so much. Yet, nobody blames me and I love them for that. My docter nagged me last week about loosing weight, but I... can't help but not care. How the hell can I care or make an effort to loose weight, or dress well, or find love, or carve out a career when the spectre of my family going hungry hangs over my head? I've stopped living like a normal person, like a normal 24 year old girl. I hope by the time you read this, you would have regained some normalcy. Or are you traumatised for life? If so, stop complaining that you don't have a story to tell and go write that book about your trauma you lazy bum!!! 5 Things You Should Remember About Me 1. You cried today, but you are happy to know that you cried because you were actually upset with real reasons, and it wasn't the depression making a comeback. 2. You cry on the bus thinking about the people you love dying - even when they are dead (oops) healthy 3. When you see yourself naked in the mirror, you think "hey, I would have sex with me". 4. You are bi-sexual, but worry that you might mindblock that you are one as you grow older, because that part of you is repressed. Have you come out of the closet on that yet? 5. You thought you would never receive this email because you were planning to end it all on your 31st bday. Does that seem rediculously melodramatic in hindsight?