Future you

Dear FutureIlan, Yes, you are 25. Yes, I am 15. I wonder firstly if you'll get this. Are you dead? Has your email changed? Has this been marked as spam? I've sent you so many emails that over the next half of your lifetime you will get many a random rambling. But worse, they are all questions about the future. So let me tell you about the present. You have this very year grown up. 'Tis true. This year you became a man. You're still a virgin, sadly, passing up a chance to fuck your [now ex-]girlfriend due to your petty morals and such. But you've grown up and won't let that get in your way; you'll make it very clear you'll have a girlfriend for little other reason than sex. Sex aside, you are speeding through high school. This year you are completing your sophomore, junior, and senior year(!). Hopefully by the time you get this such news will be menial, as I will have done all kinds of other extraordinary things. Right now, you are dedicating your life to training to join the CIA. You aren't under official training because it's illegal at your age, but you're speeding through school, doing weight training, teaching yourself new languages, studying psychology, and desensitizing yourself in hopes of becoming the perfect machine by the time you're 18. So what now? Are you in the CIA now? Has this email just blown your cover in some operation you've been a part of for several years? That thought amuses and terrifies me. To think the youthful I would be the demise the older I. But what if you're not in the CIA? What are you doing? You terrify me, FutureMe. Perhaps you've made some friends. You've moved out of this godforsaken East Coast town and moved somewhere foreign, lavishing yourself in women and luxury as you make international deals worth millions. I know I could do it. I'm already making obscene amounts of money for someone my age, and legally at that. For now, I do absolutely nothing. I pass the time, caught in limbo between childhood and adulthood. And with passing the time comes the reflections and fears, thus producing such emails as these. At the moment, I have so many ambitions that it seems impossible for me to fail. If you're working a minimum wage job, still living with your parents, I hope you have the decency to escape and live your life as a bum somewhere. At least there would be some pride in that. And if you're in the aforementioned situation, this email has probably ruined your day. A nostalgic look into yesteryear, perhaps observing the naive notions of a 15 who considers himself a man and above most of his peers. Has you toned down your arrogance? Do you still consider your ego an asset? At the moment, you are probably condescending without realizing it, certainly egotistical. But that's a good thing; if I wasn't egotistical, I wouldn't have attempted most of the things I've accomplished. I don't know if I should write in first or second person. Bah. I can only hope this email reaches you, for I am spending precious sleeping time to write it. School starts in five hours; I awake in four. Good luck to you. Ilan ilanbg@mac.com