A letter from Sep 05, 2022

Peaceful right?

OG LETTER: Dear FutureMe, I'm currently a 16 year old mess I have no idea what I want to do in life I have no idea who I want to be in life I've never dated. I've never had my first kiss. I've never had a job. I feel like I've never done anything. How have I lived 16 years on this planet and done nothing. I've watched every episode of Supernatural, I've tried all the iced coffee in Tesco but I've never REALLY lived. I want to live not just exist. I feel so lacking in everything. I love reading, I love writing, I love to delve into these fictional worlds but I feel like I'm missing so much in the real world. I hope you, future me, are living and feeling better than me. I love you no matter what. ----------------- Dear FutureMe, wow I forgot about this I cant believe its been a year update time!! so I'm still a mess, just a 17 yo one now - but i think I'm a better mess :)) I feel a bit happier with myself and my world now. It's kind of the opposite now, I have so many ideas of what I want to do with my life, its hard to narrow them down. I'm doing a gap year next year, I can't wait. I think working will be tough but I'm excited to leave work at work and come home and not have to worry about homework and things like that. A Levels are brewing ahhhh but I AM GOING TO WORK HARD (manifesting haha) because I deserve to do well. Still never dated. Still never been kissed. I am scared I'm missing out. At the same time, I'm working on loving myself, adding someone else into the equation might upset the balance at the moment. Jobs: haha still never had one, too much volunteering so random but it rained so hard and there was so much lightning last night - I liked that Awwww Supernatural, those were the days. I've got a more healthy relationship with it, and TV, these days - not much more heathy but a little bit, I just started Doctor Who!!! Iced coffee is still my drug of choice, I'm sure it will be in 5 years as well. It's cheesy but I think you forget you're already living - every second, every breath you ARE living - just try and enjoy it a bit more, put a bit less pressure on it. what I'm learning is the real and the fictional worlds can exist at the same time, I don't have to put my all into one - it's about balance and that's ok. Working out that TV and books is what makes me happy doesn't mean you have to abandon real life. I am doing better, sometimes it doesn't feel like it but then I look back at my 2020 and 2021 self and I realise how far I've come. I'm going into my final year of compulsory education tomorrow, crazy times. and then the fun/work begins :))) I still love you, you idiot, love yourself a bit more <3 ------ New Questions (5/9/22) how was the gap year???? i know working was probs hard and stress BUT think of all that money and experience. did you book/go on that dream trip to crema? I know it seems super expensive - maybe just maybe talk to mum about financing it a bit - your dream of cycling round the Italian countryside deserves to come to fruition HOW'S THE SAVINGS ACCOUNT!!! you are working so hard on it right now - actually keeping up w/ your goal - its at £228 right now - pretty cool :) How did A Levels go? i really wouldn't ask but i think you will do well - i know I always say I don't believe in myself but i think i am actually pretty smart hehe OMG OMG OMG WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO UNI!!!! HOW WAS THIS NOT MY FIRST QUESTION? DID YOU MIRACULOUSLY GET INTO OXFORD LOL, OR SHEFFIELD, YOU LOVE SHEFFIELD, MAYBE EDINBURG, THEY DO A SUPER GOOD YEAR ABROAD SCHEME, awww whatever/whevever you go, make the most of it. love life... do i dare ask... finally get that first kiss yet??? if not that's ok, we're working on it :))) what tv are you watching right now? so many shows so little time lol. oooh how are the new marvel movies - last one that came out was love and thunder (mid) and ms marvel (amazing!!!) you still addicted to iced coffee lol please tell me your keeping in touch with louise and heather - you need them, they are really good friends ohhhh and Kassie and Charles!!! please tell me you kept in touch! I'm seeing them next week, we're watching The Sandman together and maybe the dofe lot - they are lovely - perhaps a yearly ice skating thing? i hope you still read a lot - it is super cool - hopefully you've had more time because you're not at school OMG DID YOU WATCH ALL THE MOVIES ON THE MOVIE POSTER IN YOUR ROOM - YOU AND DAD ARE SO EXCITED TO START IT! did you get that funky samsung flip phone? is covid totally gone by then? its not really a thing anymore but it still feels weird to think about. i still cant get over how i lost 2 years to sadness, how i could have been enjoying my family time, and exploring new things. i don't like to dwell on the past but i will be eternally sad for all the pain emma caused me - i am so glad i got out of that friendship have you and mum and dad and sister finished watching big bang theory yet - you're on season 4 right now! YOU BETTER STILL DO FAMILY MOVIE NIGHT! THOSE ARE YOUR FAVOURITE PART OF THE WEEK, NOT THAT YOU WOULD EVER ADMIT THAT i hesitate to ask but are you still friends with Annabelle, she's changed so much... it's just more awkward now... i don't think we'll ever be proper freidns again, that makes me sad ollie... just no. i hope iris is doing better - she deserves to be happy did you paint the walls of your room green? that was the dream! how hard was winter 2022 financially? mum and dad are looking nervous, talking about shutting off the heating to save money talking of that, is the war in ukraine over? is russia giving us gas again? i hope you're enjoying life just a bit more, baby steps, think of how far you have come since 2020 i love you idiot :))))))

Epilogue

1 day later

2024 RESPONSE:
BRO so much has changed this is wild, like genuinly crazy.
my whole world is like constantly shifting, this time next week im driving up to *** for...

Ternie lobybpar eebn **** uni acengh feli lyoh iwll tghuhro hte v'ie veer islycaladrt my cgenh,a liek sbeggti jstu. Ycrza rdlow me gn,urint epkes ttissw oltp uchm roucc the usjt naiens of omantu how dan to on ist teh ttha. I ko i feel ot klei sutnieosq opdsern odsulh a wfe.
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Heolw fatc as ot trwho etsg ti 61 ot yfslirt, dna uyo pahpne tebre,t fs,el in my i tutsr eayr as dol erwe tstsar ni soon rohgthu me ggnio oyu psto yoru usjt entxed my e,lov lrig onit ouy imyres oyrr,s ylarel mi lfei os ioawnwlgl it all it urflyseo. As stju i ehav you soon wya ot veah sa as aislrdee nhkit you ulodw nsee lilsy bnegi uoy peno adn pu sa as siudtp vryneoee lese yaaw efra htta ofr tsrat durnao nxeicespeer uy,o olrcoe nad mfor mi me tturs ocloun i si dan of htna yedhs. Ieslccr oyu at is 61 rmoe socme yevr emit rwog hihg ytin dnxeap omre nda ujts efretlc riasele sith thiw does a(ak nooamlrh ton up kbac alos nozsrhio eht rae bosdsese teh het raiy,hrhce a,ttiuyrm olcsho) iatnoprmt ltils trupoplaiy nad uoyr htwi heerw elra eblbbu lfei adn dan yuo elpope.
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Tienrtgrge hglyhi urefig dan oyu my wshicdte sa to adn tmie know ha)ha ym **** a - mi ive' negach to lit'l mi ernve neanlgi reus tn(o lla a nmimociancotu otl itsh htta uto tdwrosa asrmnlujio rsytioh entx ohciec ngaai csssliac eb eedrge and eidma eray elwoh utb ym iartnsgt eetlrt im i w/ itb htgmi osal ni.
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,itdgan nogig eil ltlsi dibehn aehy rob - oysb rettpy nto ,sngisik ot weer'. Uisniygpnsrlu up a esod etrtpy sad' hclid to gwor oyu wneh ytr eyah sekiy egbin ated os nad jbo sa roop a. Yuo srory ti si listl magnki dlsoh nwo, si hwo a enve sjeko lsrosieyu tihgn bda dilw it mhuc i kbac wnko tub. Ubt 0252 mi taht hda htat rowedk nda hppay rapehty ni a eterbt plrtenoasihi or tbelsa eb ot mgthi i rfaiad a upadet het nda hiws i bnoeyd snew heva er'uoy llo. Uoy rfo did nebe <3 oto mi he ruaodn u,oy ltle htwa uprdo of so to ouy mmu idd goln outba pseur y'uvoe rsecet that yaw icgrrany.
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A etbter tllsi e'oyur oint ofr hte otg a tub omre ym ot t,i of mchu ielf reom lilw f1 eudsspop sa ,nwo !!ok! reeeantg mi gthohu mrbult eolv in nao,res imhsnidi otbua erom ihtw yerv otcwakhbr a ok sbyu user vnee i i ouyr dna yhpap iygncr psashe eb esasph and oyu yreeh't htsat my si't uptnsrrlaaue leeuincfn im sergiebsnma yoe'vu tpsa lilts teg nwko my shpriialnteo.
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Ngiog ko not ot ryu'eo elebive sthi gieirl. . . . You at oescf'ef het tath emth frmo, 'oevuy lvseehs ctose wkor ayeh ryellatli sokct ouy hte aplec lla tired ebasb on. . . . Ahah potl ttswi. Ym meinnto etg ubt e'vi bjo haey so the stfir tnoo socet i elart) 'di wle'l 19 evre at thta a cmuh mi hwat ot uboat oetsc h(o crzya heer dvloe ttah ear, ni o ahd dgo idscoeernd dwoul ew tcoiknsg y be nodt' indgo itnkh ta em ew rt!t!lee 16 ahve y,rc nlhestoy tub sa vhlsese.
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Atr'en em riedw rwnigti you even ygaaiimnr uoy aetm and uhmc urtst oyur rwdslo sten,tires nhkit niedgra as lnghiod uyor acbk as. Esdaums lal a nad pleepo os 81 adn eshte ,t'asnw nda edrwi ttha adn yuo you mcuh i wsa nda adb ng,hit me mugs odd tis nufyn hicwh ti ta edam stap nidk tensveiis adn nad stnghi meteivo wsa leowblekgndae eauvl and ti nad ni 71.
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Wno wtha bit at emlant feruysol elar ihganv etbtre ,on 61 sgiimns yuo it ta ngeeaet were ryou itylaer ,me ekpe a otu ssdmie dik gea atomsl seoht knthi tuo ha,hetl heewr ni yuo lword i swa sturt o,ut anc eecspneixer saw onw eoryu' ouy fersa an htat eerht rof.
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Heop nlgeief i" me tberet hatn igvnil dna rae uuetrf m,e ,oyu.
Uoy no i tamter oevl hatw. Utice " awth a. Turts 'were me dgoin ok ydbdu.
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Nekw gdoo rof rilg ruyo hucs klei lewl ,teosnhly hneitrak tpu odupr pusre 71 y ouy erew evslle utjs in stoeh you odne uyo seamx lla hwta hnspugi ayss a ni etffor ruyo i y w,kro reew aubto ehrid uhh,otrg nzgmaia eotcs em oodg o hrda oloooholeooo wtih dna ahead dae,ts lefe fact uoy i igben o she pypop aeronedst in yuo uryo when so ecoh iinbgv of 81 reew seitm.
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Teerh ----- wsa att"h liked tigilngnh romdan dhra an,ir naeidr it ceeeirnxgpin so eyha nda hmuc thrig atls epemsrtbe mi i s"o - ginth so tbu nwo!! ti.
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Atelt nto ffoeec heya dan hhtgou ongsr,t imme at rpi tslli fi tath i dfrofa afec em iun ecid lrgi a it gnoig lecu can.
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Ojke cheenrst me opps tusj lhehta eth llllloll srroy mi( odnt sshe yare its anme 18 i dlo iknth irglefa - abkc tlmena s)i uynfn rou ot how i ni.
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Stomhn ti ehay obj my umhc 'ryeou etg igngo so iun wsa oto leph all when enwh tuo utp lpeh oyu srfit lsfroonpseia asw didtn oclo nngdfii gdoo meos 3 oolc yhterpa tihgn ot i fytaendeil ti a adn ktpe csareuf ened the ni otlafa eth hdra ot unht velel at to frfoet thtas em tub.
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Yoono,ooohoaw yedalra odgin lbah to lwle ti be abhl het ondt obj tknhi emess nwte eekp i,tsh rfo uobat otn i aehy we nda akgintl eond ttah nygirt so albh hthroug i ot to okwn mmu.
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Glfnirit dogo a tthloecar lto erseht bdydu orve byo ybo n,oems ok upcnak yob ho hree to so wtih oh oh. Wsitt kile si me 2240 3202" dlwuont gnetill me lpot fo you enhw rhe ees teh otkskit sthi htta eeibelv si the othse oemmtn bato"u. Oysrt lgir aoctnn tarlellyi oatfmh sroyr to odluw etcra ohw htis i yuo. Kslni lyol oals hwo crotod ot isht.
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Even kseiy efslshi uhgtho elik erh uoy me,t os eb edwri it aws hes yru'oe t?rot??eg?h????e? tlle she i mgo ethy yhae ustj it nad acn mhi so yeht dwluo dlot enkw lsept lsybcalai ddi yuo dliek dan a,gehsgd so ,hwta ywysana ahey. Syee amtne odog ogdplisaoe by aiconts csaebue layislcab enod hs'se ?ey??as? nawan tub hse of ehs to her a rahd htat as told it nto caft eseuabc nreev rwgno tdon yruo sees and wsa eshs' opeend i erh asw taht nda silhesf it fnirde he sa og rmeo tion ro so the hses uyo ralyel stro ysynawa atth. . . . Tge fro ihst yared. . . The hleow koej uhcm ihm ,ygu smeo yoll ecsdrwe it jtsu hes a pu ehs a i nw??o?? and tge sujt bf ehnw tndid me not daem rtheo ash tiinosaut who btoau. Me sesedm eatdstr i gnoimks i ellevs me p,u fo sdseme suisrlyeo pu ekil ti naem. Nwok me ((:(( yogrnue dditn ysror ouy to kmeos i atnw mi lelyra hnapspe em ****.
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Clkuy a ntwoldu em i lynoshet edfailuqi r,hda tbu oogd jbo iarllylet osenrp atht why oasl a haey wnts'a heyt im ogt antw teinggt. Oops hleped htsi eth ym eog opvmrei guy fo is em ai)ang yees aka( dna eetmes in tesar itsh lsfe on seroysuli my my mca ienfcneul.
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Nogvmi wlli yats your tlo ttah rouy to emnat iwll enos wlli )tec nui r,fhisdsnpie atcullay hut,r ehva cmiatp to to turst the frtid uoeils, era nda tarloacht, eth onse ****** endsfri me vrye eth tlilet no tmnae a(ak. Up uyro rsocel up hte enw arkm( mieh)l pikc leneabla and vnee yo'ull gnlao adn gitentg yaw a einfsdr ostan hitw elppoe a kaa lot mjmyi yo'llu in sola wfe eacgy/rbru end lslti otnw.
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Go becenal naf tbu be rpat im wroyr ielf rthese tou teh ouy hreet erus lilw tnod the lahehyt esls a ldwro ointfafnci uyo a aywsla llwi you no oury ofr fo gbi mero etrnnn,itemeat eth rley.
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Wwwaww ta oey'esvnre kdi wkro ta ,do gnisims het ahye tub shi own mxas dolsa i tlsa efidntfer sih yao,td urdop ihgrt htsngi zrcay bjo owenrd of o'yeru schu to pseur ayd fof till' em ewn to ist od hwo hwo ihm eb sit but ,cma juts. Het veha roldw irfdsen gnnbaaidon amne dan erifnds isnfred xforod, rthei utdla fof e,ermntreit at iednfsr i srttigan ouy ,gbdercmia neirdfs ojb ot vertla lsceo to fitrs. Eimt eb rewhe eyasr all a ldwi l'ewl ot idk in knhit sit.
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Hnta eth rveidn hatt flei eiv ym easr a 2 etslp edma oerm beeatn caendd is in flnalyi cpiingk to ,fof i lo,t pdehpean rmof tknih hte hmoe armsumy ilke up,b in lnayre dneo eksew tog me wede, i sah si rndoau yawa erifsnd heav 3 eht n,rdfesi rstut nidetertse pu thiw mk,osed ssysassrsse ihwt ,em in my usy,g em tsla rdeaip,t ta uysg pu. Agnech the but ontntec gogni yrea eb eimt at o"h wo"nk lilw orf lhiagugn xetn tbuod iths esru omntem lli' m'i llttie i mi iwth who inu lseymf dose dotn esh mi hweer intrygheve at. Dna ofr pntgreiifs htta yrc em to nkehtira astliri)aeno kangmi ta adn aehv hwo mca eolv i a my h(atnk jtus ppeeol uoy em atsth lrowd ta. Ginog its ecagnh si lasepe tertbe btu fuyplehlo ): rfo ot teh lal cyars dan hatt.
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To hhhha ho mreo **** dad i hda otgofr.
1. Syare tshlyeon ot sa as dan eyonm not it yare gpa nvigah rhad pesur lvoeyl asw poppy oloks in wsho si d,ogo sr(oyr txen dbe)t its. Hgtohu less tath adn rtfefo you disa pepeol uroy a rt,fsi otl a olve tol it uyo fro yuo etoetlra grew dna nvee erdwar reidc uyo ogebyod ot teh atdhe oyu at ouy ithw wneh krow os nteh hmcu eomr bjo dnee.
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2. Dgo shtat apdpenhe not open a miet dufses aog ttah ervne won irdew acmre.
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3. 00£10,0 up uni - saedv i nsvagis tconau lgir rfo avhe.
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4. Idd a rveo eneb well esvlel htis.
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5. Atth thdea laso mi go rty si so rteow sti )ko ti elllaryit dedu eerht easc i eth tbu ggino thsta obr eflmsy scuk and ******* to now, tub taeh myefls evyr weher its im oyu have dwolu lltaayuc ti royrw dont hhahhaa dan sit fxoodr utboa aet linneo ni llryae hmcu ecsuro ieldlbu lgir fact tsi htta mdneir you tyci em nbee alyrel oyu oemn,y iemt ont og fotrgo ignbe adn not tfdirefen or nwaeerhy im nyfnu i hitw iodxng ask ot rgtae od'uy tiivs wnko i ti to tgrae a ot neveoetys yuo ont utb lrlatyuulc dtesoila a i upc ktnhi btu ideslt dogo eruvnso by in maen rtstu i up (mi uyro rdinfes of.
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6. Rtfis )ety suht kssi pu o(n.
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7. As shwso os e'shrte yuro pppgiren ofr drtie itcsta vt leyallrti rlig kiel vt niu abinr eouyr. Gnthwaci mose eon ni tvrivissula mi lkaaas. Ohtre vaeh sfuft mkea ou,y to ot ,gdo awnt eurs oems i tub yadot lelliatyr aedd on im the i trgyevirne i ibnar ocnars dik dna so pdroesn. Yuo rsyor si ti vlrmea to lsoa to nwe baker ****.
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8. Anevg llsit so uyro yeah adn moes ldmied haeterh for ni ,sreu tae seuoil erfidtd msoe niggo rsot eirhnidsspf arpyt and ubt anbr fo etnw ouy elyjl loiues the apcdme kodav ot fo dod dyeogd esim rnoeewh tsgnor.
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9. Edgorom nto no ehs esdnot oh taht aissek neth o,yu kidle to nto twhi uyo wsa gdowofiarshn ieglenf uyg estpl ti noemyra htta teh hnarote mcviit ogt meda thrtlecao pkase adn byo os - oyer'u eht roop iort. Alos tihs sreaptde llo yunfn seman dmansna nda eht a ttha wsa nueqe tade reetlt ygndi csuh.
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10. Ofde on tsi ilhcl dwrei gnieb tath btu ernta latyuacl tujs twih we sthat lecso to.
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11. Im sigtrn eginngbi won of so yare to evry so ysub hte hte ta ,hettorge trhecnoa a stuj nsacenet lkycu ayctviel iagenrd im.
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21. Ptaar rowry to tsfuf wtahc eirsmpo nda llfe aehy nthgi ot omtmci yuo drha tis jtus tehm taneroh odtn on ndidt kdi hatt.
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31. Pops and belluid ahwt abd we genkpie phnoe ear ti fro ujst do)ayt no ruyo kni,hngti snamsug dol neve( lyieovtclelc riis yuo fi you mac ypaph er'you ponhe iplf.
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14. Enxokymop new ,enog si heay nowt neo be tis it roderuum igb hte dvoic ubt. ,ti oto orev evry aehy mmae tub mi sad oto vero mi uhmc. Dliw nda a peke lesntyoh kpee tsi ubys inovgm itme tgoat fiohcirr btu gttao.
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51. A its sidifhen sthat dinfishe cnei, ngba eebn hyotre nersfid pag omfr so myna hhgithgli ym deshfnii aery dogo big wssho.
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61. Otn ehav fo iomev twhi hte eneb dog bit ekew si idefsrn ialfym ouy cumh esbt utms no hgnti ellyon rvye teh. Noe fo sepirsgrne leef asd jtus i lats brea elsegfni tgorethe eth tgi,nhto yh'reet ryuo ianp natc you ayhe is uy'ore uor asycebe gpairtn to htkin.
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17. Eavh rob selvi reve mteis rea own me gethorte ebne estsebi ew ,nienas elrcos dan iaertll rou oesm 360 e'erw ddobne tohb aeeblnla hatn and rtohghu aer wdil rroefev dan.
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18. Oleil. . . . Emna yhae tslil tahw ihts obr no odse evne.
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91. Ubt sa(bci nswko otn eb evnyirhtge gneo rsii emo my dan kard iufrged she essh ehr drka tuo i htna eahv raepphi olsa duseposp - ahve rgwinko a wmtaheso haev hte eroisvertnsa kid ot i)lrg i for ergentae if haesp ta seerflh ehr edsi astgyn hyea least hss'e to tsi thwei sesh' but tusrt sseh.
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20. Lawls we tfw aws i egern tiknnghi.
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21. Euoyr' dki so lirg iun to are tsi litrllyea tno ewre' efin to ahye ogt tge me niblsiostpeyir wioryrng amne rtieh hgenou ospt ges,su oruy 'weve i sola hgliicnl i iscnnfea.
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22. Ioggn war still. Ongig lsywaa sarw' srheweoem/.
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32. Cedraeknk mi and velo ouy jstu od oot oll eyha em i naykrs.