A letter from May 15, 2023

Hi me, it's me. I've been feeling kinda nostalgic and I just wanted to write one these again So, recently I've been feeling a lot of pressure from other people in a lot of aspects, especially regarding school (well it is my last year so that's expected). But idk, I just wish I could stop for a few seconds to breathe and find myself, I never doubted what I want for my life as much as I do today, and that freaks me OUT. Like, do I really want to study medicine or am I just doing it because other people tell me it's the right choice? Should I choose biology instead? That would be risky. And for the past few years I was so sure I would complete highschool, get into a university and just disappear, but recently I've been realising how horrible that idea is, and how much I would hurt people I love... and myself. What if I'm not good enough to get into med school? Hell, what if I'm not good enough to get into any university? My life is a MESS and I don't have any idea how to get it together. And well, we're 18 now, probably working for our dad and trying to study. Did you learn how to do that btw? studying? We're gonna need that if we wanna be a doctor lol. There are so many questions I wanna ask, but at the same time I can't think of nothing. We are heading towards the end of what is supposed to be best years of our lives, and we did... nothing. We didn't go to parties, didn't date, mer new people, went into crazy adventures, WE DIDN'T EVEN WORK FOR GOD'S SAKE! I just feel like I was left behind, like, even FELIPE is dating LAURA (at least for now lmao) I want this letter to be long and deep, but I'm so completely lost that's I can't even imagine how life will be in a year when we leave school. Every time I think about it I feel even more scared. Few things are scarier than freedom... Also, I wanna ask some questions - Did you have your first kiss yet? Like, we should've done it a WHILE ago, but you know us, we never even leave home to do it - Are you in Uni? yes, I know the last paragraphs have been about me not believing we're capable of doing it, but deep inside I still have some hope - Parlez vous français? That is most likely incorrect grammar, but do you still practice? - Did you get the body you always wanted? or at least does it look better? - How was "prom"? we're planning on going to the beach, but maybe the plans changed, idk I love writing these letters. It's like I'm talking to someone and it feels so comforting. Like if I was talking to a real friend ( btw, idk if our class can be considered as actual close friends but... yeah ). Random question, what is your religion? I feel like I'm going through some sort of spiritual discovery or something, and "supernatural" stuff is kinda nice, especially tarot, do you have a physical deck? DID YOU GO TO THE ERAS TOUR? probably not, but I WISH WE DID AHHG. Btw I've never been so obsessed with an artist like I am with Taylor like OH MY GOD that's is a mother to me. (Right where you left me is your fav) I'm so sad I'm running out of things to talk about, because I could literally just write in here all day Maybe I'll do another one soon, so expect another letter to arrive soon lol From: 17 year old Nick To: Adult nick edit: I forgot to say I have a terrible flu rn and my voice is ****** up that's it bye :) edit2: Since my voice is literally in shambles rn I'm trying to not speak until I go to sleep. If I fail, I'll record it here ;)