A letter from May 23, 2023

Dear FutureYou, Non-traditional, I know. But, we aren't speaking and I still have a lot of words to say to you. You won't ever read this, so I can say whatever I want not in fear of how you will react. For the past year, I have continuously chased you and been there for you whenever you decided that you needed me. I'm embarrassed it took me this long to see that if the situation was reversed and I needed you, you would be nowhere to be found. I've thought about this a lot and it is okay that it is not the same. We love differently and care for people differently. You have made me a really proud friend when I consider all the growth you have made this last year. I feel like I have forgiven you for the past year, but I know subconsciously that I will always hold your past transgressions against you. Despite what you see on social media or what you think, I am doing okay. I am hurting, but I am managing. I should have left a long time ago and stayed gone. I apologize for continuously coming back into your life and causing more hurt for the both of us. I'm choosing to believe that at some rate, you do care about me or have in the past. If that is true in any variety, please stop reaching out or trying to contact me. I HAVE to learn how to be home and be okay without you. I can't really imagine what you think of me and your opinion has probably drastically changed. I have done a lot of thinking or self reflection and I know what I need to do to change. I think about you often and am constantly praying for you and your success. I have only ever wanted the best for you and this time is no different whatsoever. None of these words came easy, nor have they ever, but I hope you know how hard it is for me to be this vulnerable with you. Take care.