A letter from Sep 05, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, OG LETTER: Dear FutureMe, I'm currently a 16 year old mess I have no idea what I want to do in life I have no idea who I want to be in life I've never dated. I've never had my first kiss. I've never had a job. I feel like I've never done anything. How have I lived 16 years on this planet and done nothing. I've watched every episode of Supernatural, I've tried all the iced coffee in Tesco but I've never REALLY lived. I want to live not just exist. I feel so lacking in everything. I love reading, I love writing, I love to delve into these fictional worlds but I feel like I'm missing so much in the real world. I hope you, future me, are living and feeling better than me. I love you no matter what. ----------------- Dear FutureMe, wow I forgot about this I cant believe its been a year update time!! so I'm still a mess, just a 17 yo one now - but i think I'm a better mess :)) I feel a bit happier with myself and my world now. It's kind of the opposite now, I have so many ideas of what I want to do with my life, its hard to narrow them down. I'm doing a gap year next year, I can't wait. I think working will be tough but I'm excited to leave the work at work and come home and not have to worry about homework and things like that. A Levels are brewing ahhhh but I AM GOING TO WORK HARD (manifesting haha) because I deserve to do well. Still never dated. Still never been kissed. I am scared I'm missing out. At the same time, I'm working on loving myself, adding someone else into the equation might upset the balance at the moment. Jobs: haha still never had one, too much volunteering so random but it rained so hard and there was so much lightning last night - I liked that Awwww Supernatural, those were the days. I've got a more healthy relationship with it, and TV, these days - not much more heathy but a little bit, I just started Doctor Who!!! Iced coffee is still my drug of choice, I'm sure it will be in 5 years as well. It's cheesy but I think you forget you're already living - every second, every breath you ARE living - just try and enjoy it a bit more, put a bit less pressure on it. what I'm learning is the real and the fictional worlds can exist at the same time, I don't have to put my all into one - it's about balance and that's ok. Working out that TV and books is what makes me happy doesn't mean you have to abandon real life. I am doing better, sometimes it doesn't feel like it but then I look back at my 2020 and 2021 self and I realise how far I've come. I'm going into my final year of compulsory education tomorrow, crazy times. and then the fun/work begins :))) I still love you, you idiot, love yourself a bit more <3 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2023 reply Awwwww i cannot beleive that first letter was only 2 years ago - from 16 to 18 feels like such a jump. omg yeah im an adult now ahjkjglgjldjfldf yeah about that whole being a mess thing - defo still true lol, i had a massive breakdown last night and i still find it really hard just dealing with my emotions, but guess who's got therapy now? ta-da!! even if i dont really think its working and dont really like my therapist - i'm going to have to find the courage to talk to mum about switching but thats for another day. yeah still never dated, still never kissed anyone - **** ollie for messing up my life tbh - oh yeah i've started opening up to a couple of people more about what happened, still havent talked to mum though :( who needs dating when i can shamelessly flirt with charlotte whilst watching good omens, awww supernatural still bringing that nostaglia though - more stuff about the spanish dub came out recently haha - chaos i love it oh yeah i got tumblr again - honestly loving it, feels nostalgic and warm and safe <3 my new fandom of choice is f1 at the moment - i really hope this doesn't die away like so many of my other loves - something about it i really love the excitement - the longevity of any of my passions is always in doubt. theres like extra pressure this time because I've dragged mum and iris into my thing now. also i need to stop irresponsibly spending all my money on f1 hats from vinted. haha oh the gap year - well its here! but my god 17 y o poppy was snobby and thought she knew everything haha. getting a job is wayyyyyyy harder than it looks trust me - im scouring indeed literally every day i've applied to a whole bunch of jobs and got one interview (in 2 days ahhhhhhh) - i mean they want to pay me a criminally (literally) low wage but hey ho - money's money right. oh yeah, 2 years ago i was starting my a levels, 1 year ago i was getting close - omg ITS OVER BABES YOU DID IT!!!!! A*AA BESTIE!!!!! WITH AN A* IN THE EPQ. so smart, so hardworking no one can take that away from you. ew dont even start on doctor who - thanks to another guy named olly (i think i'm cursed to be screwed over by that name) i cant be doing with that for a bit. yeah iced coffee still does it for me :) its hard with all my friends moving away to uni, i kind of dont want to let them go but also im ready to get into the flow of working and finding out what hobbies i want on the side - kind of wanted to learn bookbinding so i can have physical copies of my fave fanfics (omg FG though - you should so re-read that fic its so **** good) hope you're still as awkwrard and wierd and awesome this time next year - love ya! PS omg reread the hunger games dude - id forgotten literally just how good it is - i know this sounds dumb but like its still so much fun to read even as an adult ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- bring on 2024

Epilogue

1 day later

2024 RESPONSE:
BRO so much has changed this is wild, like genuinly crazy.
my whole world is like constantly shifting, this time next week im driving up to *** for...

Eht gen,hca iwll balorypb uhtrohg enbe oylh ei'v **** inu kile rsaydlatlic anchge tirnee my isetbgg rvee iefl tujs. Pkees hwo htta fo on issttw ujts sti ot tlpo rolwd hucm eth rung,tni eth dan aonutm me yzarc crcou ennsia. Iunsetoqs oersndp i wfe i a to udlhso elef klie ok.
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Tsop me oyu so ti ldo deenxt ayllre gset ti asrstt ofrleusy sjut ewlho my leov, tsurt rtwho grhothu im it dna gogni ot rsy,or life arey l,efs caft in i ,lftyrsi noti you iserym ligr lla as etr,tbe noos in 61 enphap to erew as wogwinlal oyur ym you. Ahve pneo llyis si athn nees i as udwol taht uyo pu htkni nda as tusj osno i nad uy,o hsedy sa mfor aoudnr fro reisceepnex dna as oyu em ot suiptd isrdleae waya uyo olcuon haev mi sele fera lerooc tsrtu ywa rttas neeeoyrv as ibgne fo. Emro yver up ruoy ym,iuartt twhi cosme loas si het eoplpe erhew ouy nda lilst rhyr,aihce itny and eosd iths horzonis lfei htiw creftle ghhi uyo imte areiles oerm eth sutj silrcce ossdebes pexdna rae omrlanoh nto cols)oh nad nad bkac 61 rael wogr uairotpply orpamintt at het eblubb (aka. .
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But aimde nveer mi a xnte tegntgreir gcehan a hatt mi iortshy tou suer nad lal coehic **** oknw - tbi meti 'ive yuo eowlh amrnosujil ianga ym taodwrs nad as t(no my cuinntooacmim be w/ dgeere lisscasc cdswthei ah)ha i nad to ihst ym ot eigrfu lighhy astrting lniegna ryea in ti'll lertet ihtmg tlo im sola.
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- ot bor ont gssinki, eyttpr w'eer haey eli ngiog dhibne llist oysb indgt,a. And bjo gbein poor eadt ot ilcdh ads' try sdeo isnyilurugnsp sa kyies you orwg eahy a trepty so up a newh. Jkseo si nwko cabk nhtig wdil mikgan is i ti on,w ouy eenv lsilt dab a ti utb oldhs rrsoy cuhm ohw lsryoueis. Tbu i aelstipiorhn enyobd hte teetbr aevh rhteyap eb lol dweokr a that a atsebl ni taht diraaf oeruy' ot nda im wens petuda nda 2205 or phypa adh hmigt i iwsh. Ddi idd oot of mmu e'yuov awy rtsece <3 dupor oyu llte super nudaor gonl os uoy htwa grriaync to eh mi for thta eenb obtua you,.
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Kown roem aneotlpsriih brette hpasse 'yeoru rome my ctbwkaorh omer mhuc usby isllt file blurmt ot orf useospdp f1 suer uoy !!ok! pahyp butao 'heryte nda ko seahsp vole lilw i e'ovuy rsreuaaltpun revy naeeregt my dsmiihni oghhtu ni t,i bermsisgena hitw dna im teh n,aoser ouyr but a n,ow a a got im tion ncigry sa fo tsi' iufnleecn gte eevn httsa ym spat lislt i be. .
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To ok eiigrl eelveib gnigo shti ryeo'u otn. . . . Haey cksto bbesa uyo eaplc ceost ertid hte m,rfo yv'uoe tehm rokw no lla fsoece'f yarlitell tath vhessel eth you ta. . . . Aahh oplt wstti. Olwdu leonsyht tretle!! dha ogd eht my ot job hawt hatt c,yr 'di tbu oecndreisd a rhee stnoicgk y reve o much gte mi zycra at v'ei tosce doelv d'ont h(o hyae toon oindg sfirt ta me sesvhel utb i 91 as csote 16 os be ew mennito evha in aoutb kihnt thta we l'ewl ae,r )lrtea.
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Diewr uyro iyngmarai kcab tirwnig urtst oryu uoy as cmhu rsodwl neve you isrst,nete longdih emta em hkitn sa eganidr dan taner'. Wsa auvel adn oyu vsesniiet at i adn me pats nuyfn wekloleaebdng dnki dna dba ni and git,hn sit it 18 ppeeol ,'tnaws sehte a gums nda thta dierw stingh ssmdeua lal nad ihhcw nad ddo evomtie 17 hmcu it dan so eamd dna was oyu. .
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Ni it alre i etbtre gahinv anc tsrtu royue' eerpxsnecei etarliy signims dik oyu age an aws issemd ewerh urysfole ta me, dwolr u,ot wsa ekep uoy for nthki nwo reew esafr otu otu naeteeg ta etlamn ahtw you uyro taht tolams reteh tib ht,heal ,no 16 a hoste won. .
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Me eetrbt leigfen "i lniivg htna ou,y futrue ohep em, dan era.
On i ovle ouy ertamt hatw. A waht ieuct ". Em srttu yubdd nodgi ok eewr'.
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Y lal fo igvnib eedrasotn eerw velesl yuo em hawt i seupr cfta and hse in your redih oyu wtih i so ubato uyor fele aeahd leki esxma 81 binge uyo izagman troffe tkhairne rewe godo eewr sjut ocset enwh o 17 dopur gh,rthuo hdar soeht hsoylten, you rlig ni a cheo uyor y ofr eodn aesd,t o yuo miset ppypo shcu oooellooohoo odog supighn ,owrk ni put elwl sasy eknw. .
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Lats idkle and o"s now!! erienpienxgc ----- th"at mseptereb etehr mi i ednair mcuh r,nia it ntihglnig ntgih rnmdoa so so - btu rtihg it ayhe swa rahd.
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Efac rip lgri fi itsll cefeof hyae celu gigon can orfdfa memi a deic tath nda inu nto tgs,onr ta htugho i me ti ettla.
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Me ruo syrro ikhtn i dnto mi( nufny ot ldo its aelhth - 81 shse jtus aegrfil bkca hte llllolll s)i in how arye cenhrtse opps amen anmelt joek i.
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Ptu tomhsn 3 inght oeury' faucesr umhc my srtif but lehp tkpe otu levle a mose to hutn yuo at i ogod too idginnf me wsa wsa fferto inlaosoresfp ngoig hewn ot eftednyail hte the olco ot elhp ttash all so rhad edne eyha parehyt ni adn taalfo boj ti gte ditnd nhwe ocol uin it.
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Esmse enod we ellw okwn it thta abhl eepk diogn hooooawoon,oy not habl kthni etnw rdleyaa abotu to ndot nrgtiy ofr dna os guorthh i ,isht aeyh boj eth umm ahbl be i ktligna to to.
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Erov ho hesrte ybo ihtw ho eso,nm rginftil tol os ok ot dbyud ho oyb ncuapk eltaochtr ogod ybo a hree. Taht esoht teh gieltnl you em teh tboau" wttis reh si okttiks liek udlntwo hnwe si ihts omtmne 4022 fo see 232"0 me ltop bieleve. Ritylella aerct fohmat hits ot glri i lwuod yuo rysot woh onacnt yrsro. To llyo ordtoc siknl slao ohw ihst. .
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????he?rto?eg??t? so so aiyallbcs haey ehr ayywnsa htye vnee gohhtu was and i ikel omg dluwo nca esh nad ksyei letsp mt,e idd hyte hse ouy edkli oyu tdol him awht, wdier be selsfih tsju ti etll it ayeh ased,hgg enkw os 'euyor. So h'sse syee htat sehs tsor eatnm abesuec it a by rneev the eh ngrwo she sees elrayl odgo eond atht aws hse e'ssh ont and hatt ehr hsliesf icanots tcaf swa og ot lblycasai aopgeloisd rahd euacbes remo yynsaaw ya??e??s uyo iton nnawa sa tlod or of sa her i adn dnto ti rouy tbu dpenoe iednfr. . . . Siht gte adeyr rfo. . . Newh teh dintd chmu bf mhi pu esh ??on?w? nuotiatis me uyg, she kejo toehr i dna wescdre nto jstu ohw ash a omes tjsu atubo lyol a wlheo ti mdea gte. Em iossyruel fo me amne like gokismn it llvsee i tsaerdt u,p up eessdm i msesed. Indtd twan ryors mi somke yaelrl yneruog me i me **** sppaehn knwo ot ((((: oyu.
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Nsopre a laso tbu mi wyh i oogd a yulck h,dra ehay ntwa odwtlun ahtt tsneohly tigtegn bjo wn'sat eyth tog iiudqfeal em aelllyitr. Ni elehpd em fo my si guy eipmrov aak( on elsf tihs ertas geo ym nad syee isht ngaa)i esmeet acm serislyou sopo fuinencel hte my.
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Hu,rt taenm ngovmi het oesn iwll ihsenid,psfr atlcharto, ****** ct)e era lus,oie teh eryv eht tsrut amtcip (aka yluactla dirft ttha royu wlil ouyr and lto no lliw to rsnedfi tyas to eahv em niu esno ltetil ot anemt. A nad owtn 'lloyu pick a in lbeanlea sonta akr(m rclose vnee tol gigttne leeopp thiw aka uybecgar/r edn ywa ewf emhl)i lgona losa pu nda pu ymimj new yoru istll het yll'ou rdnisfe.
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Tiafnconif wyorr efli lrwdo ealythh of naf erhte oyu yaaswl todn moer yrou srue no the rpat be a orf tbu neclbea you eth bgi wlil ryel het mi lwli esls a ouy out ethesr n,tmneteaientr og.
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3 at yawa ym uysg, teh ahs up meda emro tebane a tgo ni taht dtenieerst leik omfr pediatr, ehom 2 in raleyn nirsefd guys me, saresssysss i stepl i eth sarymum eht off, em ne,firsd nikht ni whti anudor ddacen o,tl iwth upb, eew,d ot is yillnfa aenhpped my onde life ndierv easr em hnta si evha ttsur up emos,dk igncikp vei eskwe aslt. Rfo oggni lil' hitw deso btudo temi wonk" iun tbu iths at i'm "ho nyhvrieegt i lwil hwo mi ta nnotect ylefsm eht ryea im nghaec eb ehs erus next ntdo luhiggan tmneom ttelli ewhre. Httsa ordwl me ryc a ot ta peelpo yuo levo ym me tfsipnerig i dna dna ta kaingm ofr krntaehi how tath acm knht(a sujt hvae aia)tsoleirn. Alseep hgcnae ggnio rtbete :) all orf hlluyfoep adn tath utb tis is ot yscra the.