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Dear FutureMe,
Today I can't help but feel so defeated. On reddit I saw this advice under the thread "Do you regret your major?". Commenter said, "try to look up some of your desired job postings or internships and then choose a major that would allow you to learn skills required for those. Don't go in blind."
That's exactly the kind of advice I wish someone told me when I was in Senior Highschool. As much as I'd like to believe that I can only connect the dots looking backward (when I'm past this phase of life), now that I'm still here, it's pretty hard to look forward unflinchingly. I refuse to feel defeated yet I get impatient and pessimistic. I know everything will make sense someday but on some days, convincing myself feels impossible. This is but a fraction of a journey barely started. I just graduated months ago, barely making it out alive of college. Yet here I am, alive and ungrateful. I read on Facebook yesterday, a quote from Everything Everywhere All At Once. That optimism is a strategy. To survive. I constantly remind myself that I only need to survive and fail forward every day, with small steps. Don't even get ideas about unaliving yourself. Don't get ideas about grand visions and career goals either. The world doesn't owe me anything so I have to put in the work everyday no matter what. Have a bias for action.
I'd probably still feel defeated after dumping all these words. One day, I'll see the value of being patient, and perhaps be rewarded for it. Write me back when you finally experience that first job.
Epilogue
about 1 month laterHey, me. We are already 5 months...
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