A letter from Mar 14, 2024

Dear FutureMe, AAAAAA YOU DID IT!!!! If everything goes according to plan, you sat your spanish exam yesterday. I'm not sending this letter for that day because I know all you'll want to do it go home and die for a few hours, probably days. I'm only sending this now because procrastination is a *****, but hey, better late than never. How does it feel to be officially done? Scary? Happy? Overwhelming? Exciting? Relieving? I don't know how to feel about it right now, I know three months isn't alot of time, but it also is??? I keep on getting this feeling like I'm living someone elses life, like this shouldn't be happening to me. I feel like a first year looking at the sixth years and imagining what it's like to be them, but now I am them and I still feel like I'm looking into the future. Let's do general chit-chat before the other stuff: What felt like the best exam What felt like the worst exam (and was it maths) Did you finish the history paper Did Plath come up (please god) How was the wedding How was Rosanna at the wedding How did the orals go How did the 5 hour exam go and did you finish it Do we figure out what we want to do? Right now it's hard to see that future, not in a suicidal way or anything, but it feels like it's all happening so soon, and there's not enough time for it all. School's a *****, but we both know that you're gonna miss it, the structure, the chats and banter with teachers, being let do basically anything because teacher dgaf about ye anymore, quiet little moments, things like that. It's weird to think about all the different people you became in 6 years. Oh if 1st year you could see you now, I wish I could send a letter to her. The quarantine effect is real because where the actual **** did those 4 years go, like I can barely remember anything of importance from 3rd year?? The last two years are the only ones that really matter overall anyways, but the little moments inbetween count too I guess. I'm so proud of you for making it, because despite it all, you made it. 5 years ago I'm not so sure I thought I could, I'd love to write her a letter telling her all about it, all the things she'll experience. I want to tell myself that as well. I can't wait until I feel that one feeling again, you know the one, where you feel an overwhelming urge to live and you're not scared of the future. It'll all be worth it then. I know you'll pull through, you always do :) Lots of love and hugs, You