Subject: My Muse?

Dear FutureMe, Just two days ago you turned 35, so here is a congrats from the past. I just turned 24. You know, your my inspiration and my worst fear all wrapped up in one. Every day I fear the decisions that I, the 24 year old self, make now will disappoint you, the 35 year old self, and so my drive and motivation is often centered around you. You drive me, the thought of you being disappointed drives me, the thought of you being accomplished.. drives me. You are at the core of all I want to do, and I hope I don't let you down. If something unexpected happens, and things don't go according to plan, if you haven't ended up doing ministry, or haven't become a lawyer yet, quit smoking, gotten married, become a more faithful person. If you haven't done all that yet, and you find yourself reading this wondering, "How could I have let those last 11 years go by and not have done this?", then I want you to stop... and realize, I tried my hardest. And because of that you can't expect anything else from me, and you can't be mad at God, and you can't be mad at yourself, Future ME, thats just the way the chips roll sometimes! Have you stopped being so annoyingly self-sufficient yet? Let it go... So you know what? If none of those things and dreams and wishes came true, then wake up and move forward, and do the best that you can with what I gave you now ok? And if not, then forgive me, but if SO, and all those wonderful things did happen, then Future Me... don't forget to give all the thanks to God, because you know what, I have no clue what I'm doing, but I know what I want for you, and hopefully God will help me sort the rest out... I'm praying for you, ME