A letter from December 22nd, 2012

Dear FutureMe, So it's nearly christmas. I've decided to do this in the hope that in due time, I can look back and see how far I've come. Currently I'm still struggling with my ED, and dissociation, and borderline personality disorder. You remember? Hopefully it's a distant memory by now. I'm on the brink of an exciting opportunity though. I live in London now, and I've just started working for a magazine called Blanc Magazine. Not to be cliche, but I have many hopes and fears for this project. I hope it does well, and that eventually I will get a job from it. I have decided to not finish University - which has been a very tough decision for me to make. Do I regret that decision in the future? Who knows? Am I still in London? I hope that you found the strength you need in order to overcome these illness' and that relationships in the future aren't so tough. I also hope that you are better now, and have found the balance between working hard because you love it, looking after yourself and others as well. I fear though, that I will struggle to find that balance during 2013. I also fear that I am not well enough to work: i just want to. You understand that right? A part of me thinks I will still be hopping in and out of mental institutes in a few years, pining for a dream I can never have, vowing to kill myself for not making it because for me, there is no choice. I hope that today, when you read this that you have proven me wrong. I hope that this is not the case and that is has been over 2 years since you have stepped foot in a mental institute. They're a common occurrence nowadays. Far too common. This year I have been nearly sectioned multiple times - I hope too that this is a distant memory hidden beneath the foliage of new prosperity and hopefulness. I hope you're well. Merry Christmas. and please, I hope you've learnt to love yourself for who you are. Have you? Did you make it? Did you bag that dream job? This is what I live for now, in 2012. What are you living for now?