A letter from May 10th, 2013

Dear Chris, Happy birthday. You are now 30 years old. I was tempted to send this letter to your 40th birthday but alas I did not. I may send a letter to your 40th birthday just so he isn't let off the hook. My first question is: who are you? Are you a man of worth? Are you proud of what you have accomplished? Do you remember the previous letter we sent? The letter from 2007 to 2011? We envisioned utopia - we saw the letter being delivered to a computer in an empty room; we saw a future where I had moved on and the letter was no longer relevant. However that did not occur for we lost the e-mail account and never received it. However the sense of stagnation continued. I trust that this time things may be different. Yesterday we were spontaneous and booked the afternoon off work to watch Star Trek Into Darkness on its opening day in 3D? Do you remember? Today I have dreamt of emigrating and I am gathering information. Did you finish gathering information? Did you leave or stay here? You're not still living with mum and dad are you? I trust you have your reasons. I would be disappointed if the second half of "the great decade" (as we crowned it on our 20th birthday) was as flatline as the first. I trust that 2017 is treating you well. At the moment my infatuation with (the girl you bought the bracelet from Turkey for) lingers on. I suffered a relapse and I can't do this anymore. I don't want to dream anymore, I'm tired of it. If you ended it then I understand. You mustered courage I have not come close to reaching. Did you write the novel? The deadline is December 2013 and I haven't even started. I need help I think. If you're feeling depressed then I'll go easy on you. If you're like me then you still beat yourself up a lot and wonder where your life is going. I wish I could give you words of comfort. Perhaps you have grown a thicker skin? If you have then kudos to you. What became of the world and the chaos within you? Did Peak Oil happen? Did you get yourself together and are now secure? Do you trust yourself? Has (my perceived) gradual growth into a better man bore any fruit? I wish there was more I could write. We are terminators of a string which stretches across an abyss. Yet every moment from the moment I press send I shall begin my endless march to your side of the chasm. I hope this time there will be good news when I arrive. I'm deleting my Facebook account. I hope it was the best decision. This shall be my first act which will give birth to the world you inhabit. The crippling sense of inadequacy and social insecurity eats away at me still and I think we deserve better than that. Farewell and I love you, even if nobody else does. Chris