Happy Birthday from your 14 year-old self

Dear FutureMe, You might just be too busy getting drunk to actually read this, but in the highly probable case that you in fact are sober (and probably alone, to be honest), I'd like to share a few heartfelt words from me, to: well, me. I'm going to start with annoying teenage complaints about now, and then I'll move on to annoying teenage day dreams about the future. Well, where do I even begin? There is literally nothing I could say that you don't already know, but I figured It'd be cool to read the long-forgotten and probably never-missed POV of your favorite 14 year-old. Eh, guess I'll just wing it, like all my final exams this year. This thursday will mark the 2 week anniversary of the beginning of summer and might I remind you that the most exciting thing your boring self has done in 14 days is eat her weight in Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream. And yes, Me, it was totally necessary to capitalize that, seeing as it is obviously a proper noun. Anywho, life has been pretty monotonous and redundant, as you well know. I swear I'm having an existential crisis. Always questioning my purpose, life's meaning, etc. You know, stuff other 14 year-olds don't even bother thinking about. I figure I should be obsessing over shoes and makeup rather than whether or not I believe in destiny and purpose. The way I see it, add 20 years to my current age and this would be something most people would label as a mid-life crisis. It kind of scares me, to be honest. You know, the whole existence thing. Does it ever get easier to deal with? Because I feel like life is this huge ass math problem everyone tries to answer. You know how math problems are, you answer it, and move to the next. It's entire existence is for you to solve, so obviously that's what you try to do. And eventually you get it, but then what? Let's say a fat guy rides from the heavens on a horse and tells me the Buddhists were right, and that the meaning of life is to give it meaning or to figure out it's meaning to you. Well one, he solved my question for me so game's over, and two, what do I do with the meaning? It's just this weird confusing thing that I often find myself pondering over and I just NEED to know the answer, but I don't want to solve the math problem and then have nothing left. I'm not going to re-solve it. I'm going to move on and the only way to do that is to die right? So i guess I'm just supposed to accept the fact that I'm in over my head and I'm also walking in blind. I don't know, the idea of playing a game without instructions seems pretty useless to me. Unless, of course, life has absolutely no meaning whatsoever and we humans just make a huge deal out of simple science. The big question is: which one of these is scarier? Hopefully you have some answers because I definitely don't. Next topic is high school because you're the only one that'll listen to me, so I promise to talk about everything my little heart desires. Well actually I'm completely terrified. New school, new people, new reputation. The big question is why did I even agree to getting myself into this? Well, Me, I personally think it's because I'm bored and need to switch it up. Life is boring. I'm tired of routine. I can never see myself in a job with a stable routine. I need adventure and memories but I'm confined in the walls of the over protective arms of my parents and I want to scream and break free of the damn monotony. I want change. So bad. And I'm so scared, that i'll be too scared, to ever make that happen. I am terrified that my future will be like now. I sure hope not. I don't really have much of a life so that's literally all I have on the topic so I guess I'll just terribly transition into a Q&A with myself. -Are you as much of a loner as I totally expect you to be? -Got a significant other? (Who am I kidding, no you don't) -Is Mint Chocolate Chip still your favorite ice cream (I ask the real questions) -Did you ever move to Seattle with Hope? -I wonder if you got accepted into any Ivy League schools (I don't really expect you to go to any of them, i honestly don't ever see myself becoming a lawyer or doctor) -What's your major? (Phycology and visual arts sound interesting to me but yah never know) -Are you a dead beat artist like I've always dreamed of being? -Did you take that year off and go on a road trip to Seattle? -Anything you didn't expect? -Are you happy? -Did photography ever become a thing again or??? -Did we get the Piercings and tattoos that we wanted? -If so is there an extra tree I didn't think would be there so soon? -Do you believe in true love? (Because I dont) -What about soul mates? ( I still don't) -Did you ever go sky diving or bungee jumping? -If you wasted my god damn life I swear I will time travel to you and beat you up -Oh, did I ever dye my hair? -craziest memory? It absolutely terrifies me to think that I'll exist as a completely different being in 7 years. Every cell in me will have changed and it's so fucking scary. God, Alyssa, Help me. I'm scared and you're the only hope that the future isn't so bad. Your terrified self, Alyssa