A letter from May 17th, 2015

Dear FutureMe, When your reading this you'll be 23. I hope your doing well! But to be honest, I'm worried about you. About me I guess. I have no idea what you'll be doing today, but I hope that you will be studying or working, having your own place, and hopefully a boyfriend. You were always a weird kid. People said you were pretty, but you didn't believe them. You just saw yourself as the shy, weird girl. You were good at school, but you had problems. Math for example. You sucked. You will probably always suck, but I'm guessing you're pretty used to that idea by now. Dear future me, I dont know if you remember it, but you fell off the wagon. You fell of slowly, over many years, and you lost yourself. You felt fat, so at 15 you decided to start starving yourself. You got so skinny and everyone was jaloues of you, and you got attention from boys. And you started craving that attention so badly, but your head got all messed up, and you were so weak, and then everything turned out so badly. And you had to spend alot of time pulling yourself up from down in the gutters, and then things got a little better. But then bad things happened, with friends, with family, and you just couldnt do anything right. Since last summer 2014 you havnt been yourself. You skip school almost every day, and your grades suck, and people can't rely on you. But you dont want that. You want to be a grown up, responsible, reliable, successful. But things arent looking so good right now. Your wagon is so far away, that you dont know how to get back on it. You're looking for it, and I hope that you've found it by now. I hope that you, my future self, found that wagon a while ago and that youre on it and doing great. Or at least ok. I guess thats all I want right now, to be doing okay. I hope that my future self want more for herself, than just ok. So yeah, also tell mom you love her. If you're not living with her, which honestly I hope your not, your 23 for gods sake, give her a call. Take her out to eat or something. And if you havent yet, tell dad to quit drinking. Right now you're to scared to, and you've got your own issues to deal with. But now that you're reading this, at 23, have to guts to stand up to him. Be brave. And work hard. And if you're still in that same bad place, keep looking for that wagon. I know you'll find it.