How's it goin'?

Dear Future Rikki, I felt the need to write a letter into two years in the future, for some reason it feels right and a hopeful in some odd way. I don't want to put pressure on you in that kind of way, that your life must be a certain way by this age and year. Because we both fucking know life doesn't work like that, I wished it did. We currently on 8/19/2015 by 10:19 PM have four cats: Ben, Mohawk, Cappie (not sure how to spell her name), and Taz. I dunno what will happen in two years, but this last year has been hard with both ups and major fucking downs. I love my all my cats at the end of the day, but sometimes it can be so fucking hard to have cats and live in a trailer that is way past its lifespan. Y'know? Mohawk is skinnier than what he used to be, but he is still the same playful ragdoll of a cat sweetheart. Ben is still a smart question mark tail who answers back and knows when to come and go cat. Cappie is still likes to lick and be held who also likes to get out and roll around in the grass type of cat. Taz is the more shy kind of cat, she can be skittish but that might be from being around dogs her whole life. She is sweet and has a very unique meow. Its funny how they all like their tummies rubbed expect Ben who hates it. He is still a sweetheart, they all are. I have been very lucky to have these types of personalities for my cats. I hope they are all still alive, but I can't fault for how life works and how cats can only live for so long. But I am even lucky to have them for as long as I did today and in the future. I do love them deeply. My hair is like a mixture of mullet in the back and bob in the front, I can put in the back into a ponytail but not the front. Its annoying as fuck. I might trim in the back, but I'm not so sure yet. I would only trim like a half an inch or so just so it could match the front better. Fuck buzzcuts and damn I want to dip dye my hair like an acid green or blue or something. Grow your hair long babe pls. I did want to write more, but sometimes words escape me and I feel like you understand with school being in nursing limbo, depression and I'm not even sure I will be alive when this letter comes. That is what makes me the super fucking sad, that I have to talk like that and feel trapped when its my one own life. I wish I could try harder and just get the fuck up and do something with my life. It feels surreal in the moment to say, but I think I have to feel different in the moment in order to say that. I need this life, I want to get out and be peaceful, content and shit. But depression sucks and I need help with it, but I feel scared and alone to do anything about it. I wish just someone would offer and I would gladly take it. Its 10:32 PM and see ya in the morning darling. I am still fighting and trying, so don't give up hope for me yet please.<3 P.S. I hope you moved on from this time period in your life. Since right now I somehow feel like I need to strive to do better in my life. I wanted to mention more about Chuck, but you understand, right? Its hard to talk about him and what it means to for my mind, I think I wanted someone to love me back and adore me as well. So have some fucked up older father figure to protect and love me as well. But I need to stand up for myself more and not fall in love with a theme and a thought of something that isn't there or real. Night babydoll.