A letter from November 7th, 2015

Dear FutureMe, Not entirely sure why I'm even doing this. I probably don't even have the same email address. Just so you don't have to remember dates, I'm in my first semester of college. I'm still with mom and dad and still feel like shit unless I'm with real loved ones. I hope your still friends with Ivan. He's great, and I'd rather not have my debilitating fear about another loved one abandoning me come to fruition. I hope you met a girl. Someone who loves you for who you are. I hope she likes to talk with you and you can tell her about anything and she can tell you anything. If she's there, kiss and hug her, appreciate her. Never forget how shitty you felt when you wrote this letter. That'll give you perspective; it'll keep you from taking anyone you love for granted. I hope you come to terms with our relationship with mom and dad. If they can't accept you then they don't deserve you. If your really happy just don't take it for granted. Remember when you had terrible anxiety, low self worth? I hope you got rid of that, or at least someone's still around to help you through it. I hope some of my expectations of the future come true. I hope you still don't feel alone. I hope you don't cry yourself to sleep at night anymore. If none of the things I said in this letter happen, I don't know what to say or how to keep you motivated. Everybody's somebody's everything, I hope. I just really hope people stop leaving you, like mom and dad, everyone else in your family, old friends. All I want is to be needed by one person. To be that one friend that that he/she always go to. I hope you meet someone who would break inside and miss you if you suddenly disappeared. Get fucked up with your best friend next weekend, or the next chance you get. Play some smash and take some oxys and enjoy that moment, even if you don't think that person will be there for you in the end. When your drunk and high as a kite, at least we can pretend, even if it's just one night at a time. I would end this letter with "love you," but that isn't completely true at this time in my life. Just embrace whoever you have, whoever stuck with you. I'm not sorry if this sounds edgy or over dramatic or embarrasses the shit out of you, in fact, I hope it does. That means you're living the good life. Bye. Maybe write another one of these if you want.