Adulthood Phase 2 - How's it going?

Dear FutureMe, I've known about this site for a long time but was always reluctant to use it, or never saw a real use for it to begin with. I'm in the habit of drafting everything and re-drafting before finalizing any text exceeding a paragraph, but this is "from da heart", no text pads, no do-overs. I've waited five years in my current position to have the opportunity to progress to a position that I believe I would actually enjoy. Why this process took five years is entirely my own fault, and several coworkers hired after me progressed to this desired position of mine faster than I did due to their superior work ethic. I blame my work ethic on my apathy. I blame my addictions, mood swings, and bad decisions... on my apathy. I believe this new position will cure my apathy, this belief puts a dangerous amount of weight on the position itself and my future that would come afterwards. Hopefully, by the time you receive this message, you will have reconciled that part of your personality. It is OK to hold yourself accountable for certain things, certain goals that you may not have met, but one thing that you wrote early on in the journal that you started to keep (and are hopefully still keeping), is that you must always be willing to reevaluate what makes you happy. As of this current email, I link my happiness to my current job, city of residence, and state of mental stimulation. My current job is lacking because it is not very technical, and the knowledge I've gained over the past five years mostly pertains to a proprietary application that will not directly benefit my future career in IT. I am unhappy with my city of residence simply because I have lived here my entire life. I don't particularly enjoy the weather, or some of the general demographics, but this part really stems from my desire to try something new. My state of mental simulation, before I initiate that tangent, can be categorized as whether or not I have any hobbies. Playing video games and watching Netflix are not mentally stimulating activities, yet its how I spend upwards of 80-85% of my free time. There are plenty of ways; reading a book on a topic I enjoy, exercising, writing a song or poem. Doing this would enable me to pursue other physical and mental goals that I have such as doing a vertical push up (and pull-up), or learning another language. After five years, I think this new position will get me the closest I've ever been to "happy". It is a tricky word whose definition I've acknowledged will change over time, but that reevaluation in itself is one of the most important parts of evolving as an adult. Now, as a young man, I have to get an existential grip on the fact that I can no longer pursue certain life paths because it is 'too late'. That sounds pretty pessimistic once you type it out, that may be part of my problem, but things like being an astronaut, or a professional fighter, or a politician. At 25 years old, are those things still possible if I started today and put every ounce of my being into it? The answer is undoubtedly "HELL YES!", so why do I struggle to find the motivation to improve myself just for a few minutes? Without making this future email any more depressing, I will move on to what I hope to have achieved by the time I receive this at 30: -I hope that I am not living in the same city -I hope that I am married -I hope that I enjoy the work that I do and am proud of it -I hope that I own a house and/or land -I hope that I have a B2 understanding of a second language -I hope that I am proud of my body -I hope that I have made new friends -I hope that I have kept in touch with those dear to me -I hope that I am consistently learning and trying new things -I hope that I am in control of my emotions I think its safe to assume that if and when I do read this email, there will be at least one thing on the list that isn't true, but I still believe this would be a healthy comparison for the future. Well met, future you. Take a moment to reflect on what you HAVE done over the past five years that may not be encompassed by some self-idealistic list. What memories do you actively recall? Were they good ones or bad ones? Do you still talk to the same people? Do you take the same approach to conflict? Do you have the same long-term retirement goals? How is your family? You seemed poised to get out within half a year of writing this email, did you maintain a good relationship with them? How many times have you visited since leaving? What good games have come out? Are you still involved with Star Citizen? Hopefully you aren't bored by now, and hopefully you haven't spent the past month trying to guess what the ten things on your list were. If you were, make it a point over the next five years to not do that anymore since you are missing the bigger picture. TL;DR - move forward as a meaningful human being. Most of all, hopefully you are alive to read this message. There are certain byproducts of your current apathy that may haunt your health for years to come, hopefully you fixed it in time. Good luck, and here's to another five years of improvement.