A letter from April 2nd, 2016 sent to a random date in 2021

to my 22-year old self hi. this is your 17-year old self, writing to you from 5 years ago. you're probably quite tired today, but thank you for taking the time to read this e-mail. i hope you're not procrastinating or anything right now.. :) i know you're in a good place today. at this point im treating you as a different person. change is great in a span of five years, so.. i guess you're the only one i can talk to right now. i.. am feeling alone and depressed. im facing anxiety right now. i am worried about a lot of things, and i want assurance that all my worries are wrong, and you can do that. i'm listening to the Melancholia playlist on Spotify as i'm typing. it has been a slow day, i dont feel like doing anything. something wears me down, i feel like i'm suffocating.. i am now in the last half of my second year in the university. i feel inadequate. my life is a mess. i'm having trouble dealing with procrastination. i need constant reassurance, i feel like i have to grow old and mature faster than my age because of my environment.. i always feel like what i do is always not enough, nothing makes sense. i'm young and i tend to do stupid actions and decisions. i can get reckless. dear, please tell me that i survived all these things. tell me that i am wrong, and tell me that i dont have to worry about anything. dear 22-year-old self, i look up to you. i am hopeful about the future. wherever you are today, i hope you are truly and immensely happy, and that you are now mature, and smarter and more brilliant than ever (i know you are) and that you'll survive all the obstacles in the span of 5 years. and that all of my hopes and dreams about you have come true-- we will make it happen. - that you have worked hard for what you want, -graduated college on time, -get a fulfilling job- a job that you love to do.. -travel the world and meet new people -being a queen in your own way- never stepping down just to meet other's standards -never forget those people who love you, and take care of your sister. -practicing self-love. -that you have learned a new language or two :) -that you are well-versed in your field -into deep thinking -that you are smart with guys (if you ever had a boyfriend by now) -that you have put your talents to good use and just in case you forget, you are awesome and there are many people who love you. yes you are such a complicated girl (hahaha) but [according to your friends so far] you are very nice and sweet, and you are one of the best people. you are talented and amazing. you are equal to sunshine. you have good morals, please dont lose it, that is more important than anything in the world. dont tolerate anyone who tells you otherwise. i hope you dont go bitter in this world. there is hope, always. i know that we're just getting started. write to me and tell me that you've achieved most of the dreams that i so longed to have. i'd be very happy to hear from you. i'll meet you soon. - your 17-year old self