A letter from April 10th, 2016, thinking about the meaning of existence

Hey man, This may be a little unprecedented i guess... but it's probably because I've been doing a lot of introspection and have found that nothing can be conclusively taken for a truth, everything can be questioned to the point of no belief. I mean look at Buddha, he probably found out that everything is impermanent and transient and that especially the desirous ways of man, but i feel even shunning desires for a greater good is questionable .. what promised land does he promise us --- a nirvana --- who knows if it exists or not , if its something that was the truth only for him and an unreachable thing for everyone else. People may have found enlightenment but it really must have been person specific enlightenments and that theres no true One Enlightenment... each person is moving spirally upwards or downwards to find the top most or the bottom floor-- but nobody really knows if there is a floor at all to be reached ... and why should i reach any floor ... in any case people who have found that there is no meaning and that the only meaning is what people believe it to be and nothing else- makes me feel that each such person ascended or descended to a point where they felt that they have reached that floor (without actually reaching anywhere). Jesus felt being kind and forgiving is the zenith of being human and that was his floor, for Buddha detachment from desires and the worldly ways was the floor, for Hitler getting rid of the Jews probably was some kind of floor.... each person forms a construct of what zen is for him and works towards it.. so far my findings have had me running in haphazard circles and shapes (much like the universe)... there may be no enlightenment or a promised floor but people construct it according to their lives, things and environments.... Man is a product of his environment and upbringing. I don't know if any of this is helpful or that you may have found your own floor or zen by this time but whatever it is; make it something pure.... also i would be really happy thinking that at least i opened myself to the questions and finding the real meaning of life, even if it may never have existed. Take care, keep asking questions (curiosity may have killed the cat but that is the only torchlight in this dark universe, keep trying to find patterns in the randomness that is this universe) I'll talk to you some time later then.