Metamorphic Inspiration

My Type A Personality. I've been thinking a lot recently. I've probably been thinking more than I should be thinking about the things that I shouldn't be thinking about. The truth is that I've always considered myself a Type-A personality, and I've always held the burdens that come with that. The social awkwardness, the anxiety, the imagined hyper-realistic scenarios, and, worst of all, the quite contemplation. I think I understand myself pretty well now, but what if I don't like what I see. And what if the things I don't like can't be changed. As a right-brained individual I've always been inspired to create. I've dipped my finger into cosplay, writing, animation, bleached shirts, game development, ceramics, etc. Yet in all the fields that I have explored I have found one thing in common; my overwhelming mediocrity. I need to create to channel my emotions in a more healthy way than isolated pondering, but my passion to forge is paralleled only by the fact that I am artistically crippled. Without any artistic inclination I can't do justice to things I want to say, nor can I get an audience to listen. I have come to understand that people often like the things that they are ineherently good at. At the risk of sounding melodramatic, I'm not good for anything so I had to take matters into my own hands by deciding to over compensate with the things I can control. My hobby for gamedevelopment was overtaken by coding. I decided to choose engineering as my major because math is easier to learn than creativity. Here I am years later and I don't think this is where I want my life to be. I understand what it is to feel like a frusterated artist, and with my current unemployment so does my wallet. Somewhere out there is a passion or a career worth pursing, but it's unlikly that those two things are intertwined. After all that searching I still cannot find my purpose or my outlet. At this point I think I'd rather give up than try to continue my quite quest. After all, not all minerals are diamonds. To extend the morphic rock analogy further, I learned something in my geotechnical engineering class years ago. Diamonds aren't as rare or as valuable as what we assume them to be. Over time the value of diamonds have been artificially inflated to meet the price of their demand. While a diamond may derive its worth partially from its rarity, its very vanity has only added to its price tag. My main point is that in order for diamonds to have any value at all there must be more common metamorphic rocks. There's no shame in being anthracite, slate, shist, or marble... but it must be really nice to be a diamond. Sincerely, past Ahmed