A letter from October 16th, 2016

Dear FutureMe, Okay, this is probably the second letter you receive today but, as it happens, you stopped being a chicken and you told the guy that it's not going to work, that you didn't feel chemistry and that's that. You're shaking and you feel really bad about yourself right now and you wish you haven't been on the date in the first place. I'm sorry to bother you with a matter that you probably don't even care about anymore. Okay, he answered, let's see. Okay he said that he didn't feel the chemistry either but that we can still talk and be friends? I am not sure but obviously you said something polite, as always. 'Cause you can't stand for what you actually want if that will hurt other people. That's good and bad. Oh fuck, this is really difficult. I mean, he is taking this very well, but I am not sure it is just a cover. Hopefully not, that he'll be fine with it? I'm not that pretty so maybe it's a relief to him, who knows, maybe I am making him a favour. Do you still lie to yourself like this? Ah, bet you do. Okay, this is still very weird. I am not even sure I want to be friends with him but, of course I said I wanted to because I don't want to be rude or just cut him off when we were talking for so long. Like, three weeks. Oh god oh god. No, online dating is not good for me, why the hell did you accidentally end up here? I'm going to cucking download tinder. See, you're insane. Stop laughing. This is really serious right now. ~ What am I doing? Tinder, really? What if you bump into your ex there, I mean tinder is probably worst than the one you're on by accident now. Plus, now you won't even have an excuse of an "accident", you downloaded the app you fool! I knew it would be a bad idea to buy a refurbished Iphone. I hope that, by now, you have at leat money enough to buy a new Iphone, that would be great. Maybe you did finish that book - get your ass into it - and you're living well off your writing profit, that the book turned into a bestseller, Neil Gaiman style. What? Are you sorry to disappoint me? Nah, not really. Okay, good thing though, you need to log on with facebook and you're afraid so you won't do that with tinder. Probably for the best, you need to chill out right now. I'm really glad I told the man though, today. Otherwise I would probably have trouble sleeping and this way, it's best. It's solved, we'll probably talk to each other but it will be it. Okay, we've gone to friendly bantering again, mostly because of him which is good i just want to crawl into a hole and stop existing for a few days. Okay, he's talking about going to bed and waking up early in the morning, so I think we'll be fine. I hope. I will only know in a few weeks I suppose. Okay, you're about to connect on tinder even if you have to do it on facebook - this is going to be cool in a few years, it's like your actually livetwitting what is happening RIGHT NOW to yourself - so you're writing here to avoid that. Remember than thing we were thinking at work a few days ago? Sleep over the matter before you make a decision, you're awful at making decisions with a hot head. I hope you have managed to become better at that. At least right now from where I write you are starting to do it! Look at Zé! You've been talking with Zé for so long and you met him and you could like him, if you lived closer! You could, he wasn't a Brad Pitt kind of guy but he is pelasent to the sight, but of course he lives in Portugal! Now you go on a date with a guy that lives five minutes from your house and it's a no for me. Gosh! Man, it's really a relief that you said straight away that you were not interested. Wow, good on you, you're starting to relax again, I'm proud of yourself, past you would be in awe, you've done it. Okay, you're both just gone back to bantering, all seems to be well, maybe he did take it well, it seems at least. Maybe you were worrying for nothing? Well, you know it better than I do by now, in all honesty. Life could be easier, maybe it would then be more fun. Not that is isn't fun like this but, you know, easier would be... easier. Alright, for today it's taken cared of. You should really get some sleep. Okay, time to send this and go. Sleep tight, wherever you are. Love, xo Cee