A letter from October 18th, 2016

Dear FutureMe, So much has happened these past months, so much has happened this past year. It's amazing how time goes away, yesterday you were crying in hell and now you're writing a letter. Next month it's the anniversary of him leaving, dad moved out a year ago. Right now the situation it's still hard, the last fight dad and I had was about a month ago. It’s weird we haven't fought again. I have a strange feeling about it, either he has finally realized he needs to find his own happiness and to achieve that he has to stay calm or he is keeping it to himself. The worst part is that if he is keeping it to himself it’s going to blow up really bad. I hope it doesn't. Christmas is coming, how I fucking hate Christmas! I also hope it's not as bad as the others. This leads me to grandma, she's losing her mind. She doesn't remember so many important things; I hope it's not dementia or Alzheimer. This is your first year of college. I like it, I don't find it very difficult but I hope you ended up in a good place. And that you had a great summer. She, she is another thing. At this point I know there's no going back I'm completely in love with her. I love how she made me feels, how crazy she is. If I’m with her nothing else matter, I don't care if people look at me for holding another girl's hand. But this only has two endings, either we fall in love and have an incredible love story or she breaks my heart because she's straight. Another important thing in my life right now is I just finally accepted I’m gay. I like girls, that’s it. I don’t know why I spent so much time hiding it from myself. I know I can’t tell mum or charlotte but I’m open now to find love. Very deeply, I have this crave for finding someone that makes me happy. I hope a year from now everything will be different and that you will find friends that support you and a girl who loves you. Love always, 18years old me. Ps. I hope you pass your driving test!!