A letter from October 21st, 2016

Dear God, As of now things are not so great. I feel so bad about my weight even though I'm only 123 lbs and 5'6. I feel ugly, my acne and just my face in general. My grades are 2 B's and 2 A's, very average. I'm not that good at Tennis, but not the worst. I'm average. I don't feel special at all. No boys like me, at least none that I know of. My life does not seem hard at all; I'm fed I have a shelter and I get a lot of the things I want. That does not mean that I am happy. I don't care about what I have, I really don't. I have friends, but I do not have any best friends. I remember in middle school I had so many great amazing best friends, and now they are all gone. I really want someone who I know will always be there for me, but I have not found that someone yet. It is the day before my birthday, I'm going to be 15 yippee...I wish I were happy to be turning 15 but I am not. I just want to sit in my closet forever, alone. I'm starting to really think that I have a loner trait. I like doing everything by myself. I rather walk home than have my mom or friend drive me home(it's a 30 min walk). I rather stay in my house alone and just sit and think. Anyways my mom is out of control. She is calling me dumb, stupid, idiot, cow, dirty, unorganized, all because I left my leggings and jacket in my backpack. I should be used to this because she calls me this a lot but it really hurt me this time. My dad is not home and he is usually much nicer to me. Anyway God I know that you are listening to me. I know that you love me and I love you so much. I would appreciate it if you would help me out. If you would help me get through this year. I just need a sign a push, so that I can start off going in the right direction. Thank you God! Thank you.